Mmmmm....Spam!

I use Gmail for my Lawyer Mama and blog related email. I can usually automatically visually screen out the random, content related ads that appear all over the damn page, but a few just pop out at me.

Whenever I clean out my spam box, I get links to Spam recipes up at the top of the page. Gingered Spam, Spam Quiche, Spam Breakfast Burritos, and Vineyard Spam Salad are all recipes links that have appeared on my Gmail account over the last few days. I can't stand Spam, but now I'm on the hunt for the most unlikely Spam recipe. Hell, the gingered Spam actually sounds yummy. Except for, you know, the whole Spam part.

Occasionally, other ads will catch my eye as well. Then I wonder what the Google Gods are trying to tell me:

Angry, Violent Child?
Trusted behavior modification program can help. Free trial.
www.TheTotalTransformation.com

Conservatives Speak Up
The Silent Majority Now Has A Voice Join Us To Support Progress!
www.citizensforgrowth.org
(I think the software needs a little tweaking....)

NY Eyelid Surgery
Preserving Ethnic Identity Through Cosmetic Surgery. 2 NYC Locations!
www.AsianSurgery.com

Funny-Offensive T Shirts
Buy 2 & Get One Free. Custom Made T Shirts Just for You. Order Today.
www.DeathRowTshirts.com

And my personal favorite:

The Newest Colon Cleanse
What is known. What is unknown. Real cleansing photos. You decide.
blessedherbs.com/colon-cleansing

I'll leave you with this:


(I don't know what's up with the subtitles.)

Lawyer Mama Redecorates

Please let me know if anything in the 3 column layout looks wonky. There was a problem if you were viewing this page in IE, but I think I've fixed it. But please let me know if you still see any formatting problems. Thanks!

Forgive me for not following through on my promised Mother of All Memes post. I know you're just dying from anticipation but I spent the last two days messing with my template. I'm insanely proud of myself for figuring out how to make my old template into a three column template.

Yep, that's my old pink Zoot template. I just changed the color scheme, Photo Shopped a new banner and footer, and redesigned the template from two columns to three columns. Easy peasy.

Baaaaaaaahaaaaaaa!

Clearly, I know just enough html to be dangerous. I love the three column layout though. I feel like I have more room to breathe, stretch my legs out and hog the comforter.

I'm not sure about the blue color scheme though. I kind of liked my pink. Let me know what you think.

Folks, if you're thinking of making a design switch like this, hire someone. Dear lord, PLEASE hire someone! That's 10 hours of my life that I'll never get back....

A Morality Tale - Part II

Thanks to everyone who gave their thought provoking and insightful comments on my last post. If you need to, go back and read the Sad Saga of Stephan and Nicole for a little review and be sure to read the comments to see what people thought. You can also check out Sarcasta-Mom to see what she wrote on her blog.

I know that you're all wondering about my take on Stephan, Nicole, et al. So without further ado, here's my ranking:

1. Earnest: He's an ass. Sometimes there is nothing worse than a person who turns a blind eye and pretends not to see the world. But legally speaking, he did nothing wrong. I'm sorry, but I can't turn the lawyer switch off sometimes. Earnest is a butt head, but we can't hold him responsible for what he did not do. Of course, if he were a police officer or something like that, I'd throw his ass under the jail.


2. Donald: Physical violence is never the answer, but his motives were pure. During our CLE discussion, someone pointed out to me that Donald is the only one here who has technically broken the law. I hear you. Maybe at one time I could never have seen the justification for violence, but having children has made me a little more irrational.
   


3. Nicole: Nicole, you ignorant slut! Seriously, I don't think she's a slut. Her motives, again, were pure, but in her impatience she ruined her relationship. Plus, she gave Robert power over her by giving in to his coercion. I hate that.
   


4. Stephan: How I view Nicole affects, in part, how I view Stephan. If I take the fact pattern at its face, Nicole had 2 choices: sleep with Robert or forever be parted from Stephan. She was coerced into sex, which frankly I view as one step above rape, and Stephan punishes her for it. Neither of them is blameless, but Stephan loses points for failing to get over himself.
   
   
5. Robert: Scuz bucket. I view his coercion of Nicole as little more than rape. There's a special place in hell reserved for those who take advantage of others.

For shits and giggles, I asked my husband to rank the characters too. I think T. and I share similar values and a similar way of thinking, so I wanted to see if his gender might come into play here. Here's what T. had to say:

1. Donald: He only helped after the fact
   
   
2. Earnest: Would not help a friend
   
   
3. Stephan: Not forgiving
   
   
4. Robert: Just a low life
   
   
5. Nicole: Compromised her principles
   
   

When my firm discussed this with Professor Moliterno, he asked us to pair off with someone who had dissimilar rankings and attempt to convince our partner to change their rankings. As you can imagine, in a roomful of 30 stubborn attorneys, only 1 person changed her mind in any significant way. Once decisions are made and values assigned, those judgments rarely waver.

What was revealing about the CLE discussion and the discussion in the comments, are the rationales that people use to justify their decisions. We all seem to focus on one of two things: (1) the morality of the act of each character or (2) the motivation behind the action. I, despite my claims to rationality, tended to focus on the motivating factors behind each action.

Another interesting twist would be to see if your answers differ if we switch around the genders.

Let's say Nick is trying to get across the river to Stephanie. He sees Roberta with a boat and asks for help. Roberta offers a lift in exchange for sex and Nick declines. Nick sees Earnest with a boat and asks for help. Earnest refuses to get involved. Nick sleeps with Roberta, gets across the river and Stephanie tells him to take a hike. Nick tells his friend Donna what happened and she beats the crap out of Stephanie.

Do your answers change?

A Morality Tale

Earlier this week my law firm had a Continuing Legal Education and Ethics class taught by James E. Moliterno, a professor of law at William & Mary. Prof. Moliterno used an interesting hypothetical to start off our discussion and to segue into our "Ethics in Negotiation" discussion - the purpose for the CLE. The resulting discussion of the hypothetical* was so interesting that I asked Professor Moliterno if I could share it here on my blog for discussion.

The Sad Saga of Nicole and Stephan:

Nicole and Stephan are very much in love. They want to be married and stay together for all of their lives. Unfortunately, they are separated by a deep, swift flowing river, in which there are alligators, and neither is a good swimmer.

Nicole sees Robert standing next to his boat on her side of the river. She goes to Robert and asks him to take her across the river so that she can be with Stephan. Robert replies that he will do so only if she sleeps with him. Desiring to remain faithful to Stephan, Nicole refuses.

Looking around, she sees Stephan's friend Earnest nearby, and goes to ask him for help to get to Stephan. She tells Earnest the situation, but he turns and walks away saying that he is too busy to become involved.

Still wanting to get across the river to be with Stephan, Nicole returns to Robert and pleads with him to take her across the river, but he stands firm. Finally Nicole relents and sleeps with Robert, who then takes her safely across the river to Stephan.

Nicole then relates the story to Stephan. When Stephan learns what has happened, he tells Nicole that she has prostituted herself, and he wants nothing more to do with her; and he walks away.

Nicole is brokenhearted. As she is walking home reflecting on her experience, she meets her friend Donald. He asks her what is wrong, and she tells him the whole story. Donald is incensed. He finds Stephan and beats him up.

THE END.

The Characters:

Nicole
Stephan
Robert
Earnest
Donald

Now here's what I'd like all of you to do: Take a few minutes and rank each of the 5 characters from the "best" to the "worst," with 1 being the best and 5 being the worst. Do this before you look at the comments. Tell me your rankings in the comments and why you made the decisions you did. Were any of the rankings more difficult for you? Why?

Discuss.

Feel free to tell me your ranking and rationale on your own blogs and leave me a link in the comments if you'd like. I'll add your links to my next post where I tell you my rankings and some thoughts about the discussion process.

This should be entertaining! Yes, I'm a geek.

*The Sad Saga of Nicole and Stephan was originally written by Anina Klein, MSW, with editorial support from Alan M. Lerner.

Now I've Seen Everything

There are 2 half naked women from PETA protesting the hot dog stand outside my office window. They're giving away free veggie dogs. The veggie dogs looked pretty good, but I don't think that's why the line is so long....

Vocabulary Builder

Folks, I can't thank everyone enough for your kind comments and thoughtful emails after my post about Hollis starting school. I didn't think the idea of school would be so hard. Hollis has been in full time daycare since he was 4 months old. But just thought of SCHOOL makes me all teary and emotional. So thank you, again, for your sweet words.

Despite my emotional fragility, I'll be around a bit less for the next couple of weeks. My hubs is in Korea for the next 3 weeks, my mom is visiting, my dad will be here next week, my mother-in-law next weekend, and then some good friends will be here over the Labor Day weekend. So please be patient with me and my lack of commenting. Hollis starts school right after Labor Day, so I'm sure I'll need y'all to hold me while I weep.

My 19 month old learned a new word in the car with me this morning.

"Fuckhead!"

Lovely.

In my defense, the asshat in the truck did cut me off. And what was up with those over sized tires? Why doesn't he just make up a bumper sticker clearly announcing his inadequacies in, um, ... other areas?

Now For Something Lighter

My posts have been awfully serious lately, so it's time for something lighter. My buddy Mad did a post awhile ago about her kitsch and challenged us to show our own.

I have tons of kitschy stuff, but unfortunately I am a lazy ass. Since we moved two years ago I haven't even hung all of our pictures on the wall let alone unpacked all my kitsch. Kitsch that my kids might find entertaining and want to play with and break. I'm a heartless bastard and a lazy ass.

Anywho, I did manage to scare up some kitsch to share:

My Paddington figurine. My mom gave it to my grandmother years ago and then my grandmother gave it to me when she heard I was decorating Hollis's room in a Paddington Bear theme. Do you know how hard it is to find that damn bear in the U.S.?

My kitchen telephone. It really accepts coins, but it's not an original. I got it at Target.

My salt and pepper pigs. I bought them at a garage sale 13 years ago. I cried last year when one of the ears broke. This is my favorite piece of tacky in the house.

So there you have it. I've come clean about my kitsch. Do you have any to show me?

Edited to add: I have a post up on my review site for the PBN, Wii Blog Blast.

What Quality Time?

7 ft tall, white teeth and a French accent

Hi there.

I'm Julie, and I normally post over at the Ravin' Picture Maven, but today LawyerMama graciously allowed me into her blog to impersonate her.

Initially I felt a little challenged to the task. After all, there are all the ways in which I am so different

* I am seven feet tall, with white teeth, and a French accent.

Okay so I'm not really So You Think You Can Dance's Cat Deeley. (Who isn't even French, actually, or seven feet tall, but she does have really white teeth!) (And if this makes no sense to you, you aren't watching the right television. You should get on that.) (I don't have an accent either, no, really, I don't.)

* Although I like to play one in my mind---especially when it comes to crimes that really intrigue me, such as the Mysterious Incident of the Vice-President Shooting the Quail Hunting Partner in the Daytime---I am not actually a lawyer.

* On any given Monday through Friday, come 11 a.m. you might find me still in my jammies, hair messily pulled back into a ponytail, and I plead the 5th wrt hygiene.

What can I say, the Kids Are Home For The Whole Freaking Summer Which---Thanks to Legislators Who Clearly Do Not Have Small Children For Whom They Are Responsible---Is Almost Four Months Long. (I hope you are freaking happy, Disney, because I am losing my ever loving mind and so are my kids.)

* I do not have ahh-inducing adorable photos of my children at the beach. My children eschew the camera, and I eschew the great outdoors. We're all pigment challenged here, excluding my husband who is happily nut brown. What can I say.

* My children, are, however, the next Pollocks (thanks Momish for that title!). I do have photographic evidence of this assertion:

But luckily this is a blog and the weekend so you don't expect me to dress as if at tea with the Queen, be lawyer-ly or any kind of -ly, and my teeth aren't so white as to cause seizures (anyway I'm not vlogging).

And since this is not a dry blog, I thought I'd step up and offer my thoughts as to the relative merits of different recipes for sangria. I've been doing a lot of field testing of recipes, and here's what I found:

Sangria
* I have two recipes I prefer, one that I call Tropical Sangria, which is more Spanish, and one that I call Country Sangria, which is more Tex-Mex (sweeter, fruitier)

* For Tropical Sangria, Rioja is the best base...I don't add any rum, but most recipes call for it.

* For Country Sangria, sweet fruit, rum and brandy are essential. You can make it white or red.

* I prefer white rum.

* Citrus fruit is essential.

* Apples are not good. In fact, skip any porous spongy fruit like this. I have found---as one recipe stated, that fruit such as apples and pears absorb all the rum. We can't have that.

* I don't add sugar to either one usually, but if I do add sugar, it is only to Country Sangria.

* By not adding in sugar or orange juice, it's not so sweet that you chug it like Kool-Aid and wake up the next day with Sangria Regret and take my name in vain.

So here are the recipes:

Note: I do not measure when I cook. I am a dasher and pincher. Somehow, I just know. However, I have worked hard to try to quantify the amount I use. Don't work too hard following this too exactly. I say follow your taste.

Tropical Sangria

INGREDIENTS
* 1 lemon
* 1 1/2 limes
* 2 oranges (I prefer an additional orange rather than adding in orange juice)
* 1 1/2 cups rum (Or thereabouts. You know, 2 cups of rum never hurt anyone.)
* 1 (750 milliliter) bottle dry red wine (Rioja is best, but don't bother with an Alta since you are doctoring it.)

OPTIONAL INGREDIENTS
* 1/2 cup white sugar (Or substitute. If you do substitute, make sure to adjust amounts.)
* 1 cup orange juice

DIRECTIONS
1. Have the fruit, rum, and wine well chilled. Slice the lemon, lime and orange into thin rounds and place in a large glass pitcher. Pour in the rum. Chill in refrigerator for 2 hours to develop the flavors.

2. When ready to serve, crush the fruit lightly with a wooden spoon and stir in the wine.

3. Taste. If you need to, add in a bit of sugar (or substitute). Adjust sweetness to taste.

4. I find the flavor is best with at least 4 hours marination. Next day it's even better, and the fruit...don't waste the fruit. ;)

Country Sangria

INGREDIENTS
* 1 pint strawberries (or half bag large frozen)
* 1 pint blueberries (or half bag frozen)
* 1 orange
* Additional fruit such as peach or apricot, or any other berries (black, raspberry, etc.)
* 1 cup rum (or so, don't go getting too measuring cup on me, that spoils the mixing fun)
* 1/2 cup fruit flavored brandy (match to fruit, e.g., peach or apricot)
* 1 (750 milliliter) bottle dry red wine (merlot is even fine) or white wine (white sangria is really fun, give it a try)

OPTIONAL INGREDIENT
* 1/2 cup white sugar (or substitute)

DIRECTIONS
1. Have the fruit, rum, brandy, and wine well chilled. Slice the orange into thin rounds. Slice the peach or apricot into approximately 1 inch chunks. Place in a large glass pitcher. Add in all berries. Pour in the rum and brandy. Chill in refrigerator for 2 hours to develop the flavors.

2. When ready to serve, crush the fruit lightly with a wooden spoon and stir in the wine.

3. Taste. If you need to, add in a bit of sugar (or substitute). Adjust sweetness to taste.

4. This one is best chilled overnight. And remember...don't waste the fruit!

Enjoy!

And thanks to LawyerMama for letting me use her space.

Julie

P.S. Leave lots of comments, you know, so she doesn't rue the day she asked me to step in for her. ;)

Sunday in Pictures

The climbers can't wait to get outside.

Pool play.

A shoe adjustment.

A ride on the "tractor" with Daddy.

Eating sand. Again.

This is why I love Summer.

Who is Your Google Twin?

A couple of weeks ago my local paper did a story about Google twins. (Your Google twin, for the uninitiated, is a person you locate by Googling your own name.) Admit it, we've all egosurfed before. It's right up there with stalking old boyfriends and girlfriends on the list of high ranking Google entertainment. And it's a good way to kill time. If you have a somewhat unusual, but not too unusual name, you can find some interesting twinnage.

I have to cheat to find my Google twin. I have a hyphenated last name and my maiden name is fairly unusual outside of the State of Louisiana. I am reasonably well assured that no one else in this world shares my legal name. My first name and maiden name, however, yield far more interesting results. My Google twin lives in Hawaii, is ten years older than me, and belongs to several motorcycle clubs. I've been following her since 1996. The other Lawyer Mama is like my own digital doppelgaenger. By following her online progress, I can see what my life could be like ten years into the future if I chose a different path. I'm not raring to move to Hawaii, and motorcycles scare me, but it's a nice little fantasy. My Google twin helps facilitate the fantasy by revealing only bits and pieces of herself online. I, on the other hand, am a cyber-exhibitionist. If you Google my name you get all sorts of stuff that gives you a pretty clear picture of my life: career, kids, political leanings, and my blog. There are even pictures to spell it all out.

My husband, on the other hand, has this almost pathological need to keep his name off of the Internet. He also has a very unusual first name. Until very recently, the only Google hits for his name involved birth and death announcements. Whoopee. I am constantly disappointed by T's Google information. It's almost as if he doesn't completely exist without a complete cyber-profile. T is amused by my disappointment and actually takes great pride in giving any potential cyber-stalkers almost no discernible information about his life.

Last week, however, I hit pay dirt. While wasting away a few hours minutes on the Internet, I discovered that T now has a Google twin. In fact, he has TWO! And, man, are they good ones. One of the top hits for T's name was a runner up in a state level Miss USA pageant. Yep, she's a woman. That really chaps T's ass because one of his pet peeves is the recent trend of using boy names for girls. You can practically watch him turn purple if you happen to mention that your cousin's friend's second daughter is named Hollis. It's a sure way to turn his crank. So that one is gratifying, but the other Google hit is even better. The first hit for T's name is now a profile on IMDb. A fledgling director sharing T's name has burst onto the movie scene ... with soft porn. As I'm sure you can guess, T is thrilled! To make it even better, the Google T appears to have no photos online, so an old girlfriend or acquaintance will never be entirely sure that the director of, say, Forest Hump isn't my T. Baaaahaaaaa!

OK, yeah, I'm sure I could make this into a serious post. There's lots of material there: fantasizing about a freewheeling life in Hawaii, my husband's pathological need for privacy and my need to vomit my life details all over the Internet, but I'm just not going to go there today. Sorry. Maybe another time.

Should I Go to BlogHer?

Well, what do you think, folks? Should I go to BlogHer 2007? I didn't think I could swing it because of vacation and work schedules, but it looks like I may be able to arrange things. Plus, I have a squillion bonus miles I could use for my flight. The hubby is on board and I almost booked my hotel reservation this afternoon. But then I started wondering if I would be that awkward chick hanging out on the side, hoping she'll be invited to sit at the popular girls' lunch table. This is a big jump for an introvert.

So who's going? Talk me into it. Tell me how much fun I'll have!

Does This Mean We Have a Problem?

I have a serious addiction. It's a common one that thankfully has not yet been vilified by the public.

I'm addicted to caffeine.

I'm pretty sure there will be no intervention forthcoming because (a) my husband is even more of an addict than I am and (b) I seriously doubt he could find two friends and family members who aren't also seriously addicted.

My little "problem" has been on my mind lately after coming to the realization that our 2 year old knows the location of every Starbucks in a 10 mile radius from our home and will throw the mother of all fits if we don't stop. Of course, that alone wasn't *quite* enough to drive the problem home. Then, on Saturday morning, T and I were enjoying our cups of coffee from Starbucks - because it's soooo much easier to load 2 kids in the car and drive 4 miles to the drive-through Starbucks than it is to load up our own coffee machine and wait 5 minutes. Anywho, my 14 month old was sitting in his high chair drinking his milk when he screeched to get my attention, patiently waited for me to turn, handed me his sippy cup, pointed at my Starbucks cup and said "coffee" as clear as can be. (He was quite annoyed that I wouldn't give it to him, seeing as how his milk in his favorite fish sippy cup was quite the fair trade.) I think I'm in serious danger of having children who demand a nice dark espresso roast be packed in their Blues Clues thermoses for pre-school.

I may have to quit the habit.

Happily Ever After

The other night Big H demanded yet another story to prolong the inevitable bedtime. I gave in and started to read his proffered book - the Disney version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs from a Disney Storybook Collection he received as a gift. I started reading with trepidation. It's been awhile since I've seen the Disney movie, but I was pretty sure I remembered something about Snow White cooking, cleaning and keeping house for seven little men. Not really something I want to pass on to my sons. But hey, I figured since Big H can't read yet, I could just change the story a bit. Well, I made it about half a page into the story:

Once upon a time, there lived a lovely princess named Snow White. Her lips were red as roses and her hair was the deepest ebony. Snow White's father, the King, had died, so she lived in the castle with her stepmother, the Queen.

The Queen was very pretty, but also very cruel. She was jealous of Snow White's beauty and treated her like a servant.

Snow White was obedient and hard working. She dreamed that someday a prince would take her away.

She dreamed that a prince would take her away??? Yeah, that wasn't going to do it for me. So I tossed the book aside and gave Big H my own very abbreviated version of the fairy tale:

"Yeah, that's not how it works these days, sweetie. Yes, Snow White was stuck with an evil, vain caretaker who tried to swindle her out of her inheritance, treated her like a slave, and tried to have her killed. But in actuality, Snow White didn't go off to cook and clean for a house full of men. She went to see the law firm of Doc, Happy, Sneezy, and Partners, LLC. Mr. Grumpy, DHS&P's best litigator, helped Snow White bring a civil RICO action against the evil Queen, by showing that the Queen had been using an enterprise (the Kingdom) to conduct a pattern of racketeering activity (such as kidnapping and murder) indictable under federal law. Snow White recovered her fortune and the Queen was brought up on federal charges, including some nasty allegations of involuntary servitude. Unfortunately, there was some question as to the Queen's sanity because she kept talking to this mirror and claimed she was getting answers. In any event, the Queen spent the rest of her life in a very comfortable community based mental health facility. Snow White then went on to abolish and dismantle the monarchy and G.W.B. Dopey became the Kingdom's first democratically elected leader.

Oh, what's that? You asked about the Prince? Well, he lived off his father's money, went clubbing all over the world, became a one hit pop idol, then a reality TV star, and went on to marry Paris Hilton. Snow White lived happily ever after.

The End."

So, how does your fairy tale end? Write me a modern day fairy tale (nothing overly long required). Let me know in the comments & I'll post all the links.

And the Academy Award Goes to....

Oh, yeah, sorry. I was in my little Jennifer Hudson Oscar fantasy there for a moment. I've snapped out of it. But I have recently been awarded something I just don't quite think I'm worthy of. Pundit Mom was kind enough to bestow the Thinking Bloggers Award upon little old Lawyer Mama.

Pundit Mom is one of the bloggers I've been religiously reading since the very beginning of my little blog obsession. Her blog is a nice mix of politics, current events, mom stuff, and women's issues that has always has me thinking. So, I'm even more honored to know that I make her think as well.

All the intensity surrounding moms and why we blog over the last week has led to some great exchanges on several blogs. I've been awed by the wonderful people in this little, OK, HUGE, blog lovin' community we have here. And to make things even neater, I met a real live blogger this week! That's right, CPA Mom and I met up for lunch and a chat. She was just as nice and funny as she is on her blog and she even brought some clothes her Tigger has outgrown for H&H. How sweet is that? All of this bloggy lovin' has made it even more difficult for me to narrow it down to just five bloggers who make me think. So, in the end, I ignored whether any of these bloggers had received this award already and just went with my gut. (Of course, if you've already received one, I'm not going to make you nominate anyone else!) And the winners are....

Mom, Ma'am, Me
Mom 101
Pundit Mom
Bub and Pie
i obsess

You all rock.




Just be sure to pass the award on to 5 bloggers who really make you think and link back to the original Thinking Blogger post.

Happy Groundhog Day

Have I mentioned that I have a groundhog? Nope? Well, actually we have two. They came with the house. Of course, the former occupants failed to mention that they had two furry little hole digging rodents in the back yard when we purchased the house, but that's for another post. T would like to "relocate" the little critters. I haven't let him do it because I kind of like the idea of having my very own Punxsutawney Phil and Phillipa in the backyard.

So yes, we have two groundhogs and because today is Groundhog Day, I thought I should report on their movements. Or lack of movements. It's damn cold here today so I doubt they're coming out of their cozy little underground den. But if they do, it's nice and cloudy here today so there will be no groundhog shadow spotting. I guess that means an early Spring! And if the sun does come out unexpectedly, I promise to go cover the groundhogs' exit holes with very large rocks.


*Yes, this is a picture of one of the little varmints. He's lounging by the pool.

A New Look for Lawyer Mama

Let me know what you think of the new look. I was incredibly tired of seeing the same old Blogger Template and went looking for a new one. I got this one from Zoot.

Oh, and if you're having problems getting to my site or my archives, it's not just you. I was convinced I had royally screwed something up when I changed my template last night, but apparently Blogger is having problems. Again. (At least I hope it's not something I did!)

Share the Love Awards

Heather over at One Woman's World, has the Second Annual Share the Love Blog Award nominations going on right now. She's accepting nominations until January 31, 2007, so if you have anyone you'd like to give some props to, head on over and nominate them.

Trust me, I wanted to nominate more but I am far too slow to manage to collect all those URL's in the 15 minute time I have alotted to blog while T gives H&H a bath. In fact, I've already thought of at least 3 additional bloggers I must go nominate. So here are my current nominations:

1. Best Humor: A Little Pregnant
2. Happiest Blog: Chicky Chicky Baby
3. Best Writing: Bub and Pie
4. Best Site Design: OK, I was too lame to nominate anyone for this category.
5. Most Inspiring: Rachel Emma
6. Blogger You'd Most Like To Meet: Pundit Mom
7. Most Thought-Provoking: Angry Pregnant Lawyer
8. Woman Power! -- Best Representative of Women: Pundit Mom
9. Best Commenter: Bub and Pie
10. Blog(s) You'll Never Stop Reading: (I refused to pick just one. In fact, I need to add more.)
Pundit Mom
Crank Mama
Bub and Pie
Chicky Chicky Baby

Six Strange Things About Me

I've been tagged by Pendullum over at Dribblingwitt??? for a meme. Lucky me. Woo hoo. Can you feel the joy? Actually, this one isn't that bad, so I will forgive her. I'm supposed to tell you six strange things about me. I don't know that I can tell you six strange things about me. I might be able to come up with one strange thing, or maybe two slightly interesting things, or perhaps six boring things about me. To paraphrase the divine Miss Austen, the difficulty may be in limiting me to six boring things at once. So here it goes:

1. I don't eat hamburger. Blech! Anything with ground beef is also out.

2. My parents are distantly related. Yes, I'm from Louisiana but it's not as bad as it sounds. It's a very, very distant relationship. However, they have the same last name with one vowel difference. Confused the hell out of many people who were convinced that my mother had simply forgotten how to spell her own name.

3. My ankles crack like popcorn when I walk up and down stairs.

4. I have an insanely irrational fear of ants. Not just a lone ant, but trails of ants. I feel like they're going to start trailing after me and swarm.

5. I cannot sleep without reading first. It doesn't matter if I'm exhausted, completely drunk, or medicated. I must read.

6. My middle name is spelled incorrectly on my birth certificate. We didn't discover this until we requested a copy from the great state of Louisiana before I went to college. So my middle name (Michelle) is "officially" spelled with one L instead of two.

So there you go. It's probably more like 1 strange thing and 5 mildly interesting things, but it's all I've got for now. It's been a looooong day!

Now who to torture next....? I tag Mrs. Chicky at Chicky Chicky Baby and the dynamic duo over at The Madness of Modern Families. Have fun, ladies!

Cartoon by Hugh MacLeod from Gaping Void.

The White Elephant in the Room

I'm actually not going to talk about the State of the Union address. Not. going. to. say. a. word.

Did you hear that? I swear I just heard a giant sigh of relief from T. Several of his very nice but very Republican friends know about my blog now so I'm sure he's happy to avoid the inevitable conversation about his Communist wife or comments from his friend JC (doesn't stand for Jesus Christ) about how I should move to Canuckistan. (J's term, not mine!)

So, instead of discussing the big white elephant in the room, I give you my adorable 12 month old:

Mom Mistake #247

On Saturday morning I made the mistake of taking the Hs out on my own. I had good intentions. My friend L and I wanted to get together and chat outside of work and we thought it would be great to get our kids together. I have a 2 year old and an 11 month old, she has an 20 month old. Perfect! I, however, had the stupidly brilliant plan to take the kids to the mall, do some shopping, stuff them with junk food, and then let them run amok in the indoor playground. On December 2nd. With Santa in the mall. On a Saturday. Did I mention it was a Saturday?

If I ever come up with a plan like that again please slap me senseless. Really. L and her little boy C were great company but I spent so much time chasing Hollis around that I think L and I only exchanged about 20 words during the 3 1/2 hours we were at the mall. Don't feel too sorry for me. It's my own fault. You see, I refuse to use my double stroller. It's this huge Eddie Bauer monstrosity that a well meaning friend handed down to us when we found out we were expecting Little H. It must weigh 50 pounds and I don't think it even fits in my trunk. And I have an SUV. Anyway, I decided to shun the Hummer of strollers and drive my single Audi sports car around the mall. I have a Peg Perego stroller I absolutely love and it even has a toddler bar on the back. Which is great if your toddler will actually stay on the damn thing. To give credit where it's due, Hollis was actually very well behaved. So was Holden. (Of course, he was strapped into a stroller and couldn't wreak much havoc aside from randomly tossing Goldfish crackers at passers by.) But I forgot that Hollis is a toddler and he can't take 3 hours straight of nicely holding Mommy's hand. (I won't even go into the tears caused by the huge 14 year old who slammed into him twice on the playground. OK, maybe he was more like 6, but he was a big kid! Way too big for the clearly labeled toddler playground.) Every 30 seconds it was: get off the toddler bar; get on the toddler bar; push the stroller; hold Mommy's hand; run across the store; UP, MOMMY, UP! Well, we survived the ordeal and both kids passed out in the car on the way home.

I was completely exhausted after my outing and it really made me think. My husband and I have an ongoing discussion regarding whether or not we're going to try to have a third child. In the past, I've always been a quite vocal proponent while my husband is of the opinion that we should never let the children outnumber us. (Apparently the odds of a bloody coup go up exponentially after 2 kids.) But I couldn't even handle 2 small children for half a day by myself. How on earth could I possibly handle 3? I also wonder if I've just been completely spoiled all this time. My husband is truly an equal parent. If we start adding up frequent parenting miles, he's right up there with me. (Although I think I should get double miles for all of the middle of the night breastfeeding.) We usually both go out with the kids on the weekend, to the doctor, to the store, etc.... On very rare occasions, we will divide and conquer and each of us will take one child on our respective errands. If T's out of town, I'm usually a hermit. I've taken both kids to the store and on shorter outings before, but never on a half day outing.

My hellish Saturday really gave me a new appreciation for H&H's babysitter. She takes both of my kids (and both of hers!) out to errands, soccer games, and school events all the time and she never seems to break a sweat. Maybe I'm just not very good at this. Well, whatever the faults in my parenting skills, I have a new stroller in the back of my car now. It's not as large as the Hummer and not as sleek as my Audi, it's more of a mid-sized sedan - a mom car. At least now I can strap both of their butts in.