I've Moved!

I finally got off my tushy and set up my new blog with that URL I bought after BlogHer last year.
GO CHECK OUT THE NEW DIGS!

And be sure to update your links, feeds & all that jazz. I'm going to start forwarding this URL as soon as I get all my links updated, so update your feed readers now!

Lawyer Mama
(of lawyermama.com) Wooo HOOOO!

What Are My Words Worth?

Before I get down to the nitty gritty, I have a review up at Law(yer Mama) Review. Did you read the book, The Three Martini Playdate? I read it; my husband read it; we both loved it. So when PBN gave me the opportunity to review Christie Mellor's latest book, Were You Raised By Wolves? I had to do it. So head over to Lawyer Mama Review and see what I thought.

Because you know the world revolves around my opinion....

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A few weeks ago, the bloggers on D.C. Metro Moms blog had some interesting news. We're being syndicated. The founders of Silicon Valley Moms Blog, and all its various regional offshoots, negotiated an agreement with the McClatchy Group to syndicate three to five posts a week from the SV Moms Blogs. The McClatchy Group selected the first three posts about three weeks ago. My post about Sexism in Advertising was one of them.

Here's the kicker: none of us, not even the founders of Silicon Valley Moms, are being paid.

Until now I've pretty much stayed out of the controversy over paid versus unpaid blogging. I can certainly sympathize with freelance writers who pay their rent with their words. This is what they do for a living. They are highly trained journalists and wonderful writers. If I accept an unpaid blogging "job" am I simply lowering the market price for the words of the professionals?

I know that a few bloggers, some who are freelance writers, have opted out of the syndication on the SV Moms blogs. I can completely understand that. The syndication has no value to them aside from gaining name recognition or resume building. If you already have that as a freelance writer, why give your words away for free to print publications that normally pay you?

So what do I get out of an unpaid syndication of my words? Name recognition? Maybe. Although I doubt that I'll be syndicated so regularly that people will start demanding my posts! An ego massage? Maybe. It is nice to see your words, your byline in actual cellulose and newsprint. Resume building? Definitely.

For those of us who write (as opposed to Write) for fun, therapy, or recognition, the idea of being a freelance writer or (gasp!) writing a book is heavenly. I've been saying since law school that I want to be a Writer when I grow up. Granted, my job already involves a lot of writing but it isn't writing that feeds my soul. Of course, there's no guarantee that free lance writing or even writing a book would do that either. Publishers will only pay for what sells. And who wants to pay to read my narcissistic rambles?

I don't pretend to know the answer to the paid versus unpaid blogging and writing debate. I do know that business models for mainstream media are changing because of the blogosphere. People are fleeing traditional media for the web and many of the providers of news and information on the web are doing it for free. With print publication budgets plummeting, is it any wonder that MSM wants to get in on the free stuff?

I got my first hits on my syndicated article a few weeks ago, via my automatic "Lawyer Mama" Google Alert, from the Centre Daily Times in Centre, Pennsylvania and the Modesto Bee in Modesto, California. I've gotten more since then, but I'm too lazy to link them all. So clearly there is a market for my sort of writing, just apparently not enough to pay me.

Whether this increases my blog traffic (So far, no, but it might help if I posted something here on occasion!), or enables me to add "professional writer" to my resume remains to be seen. Maybe I can even start calling myself a Writer with a capital W. All I know is that I think it's pretty cool. So if you happen to see me in print somewhere, for God's sake, cut it out and send it to me!

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Speaking of unpaid blogging, don't forget to read my review of Were You Raised by Wolves? over at Law(yer Mama) Review!

Iraq: Five Years Later

I'm over at MOMocrats today spouting off about the Iraq war today. Actually, all of the MOMocrats are. Check it out.

I was also spouting off about Mommy guilt yesterday at D.C. Metro Moms Blog. Something I know nothing about. {/sarcasm} Actually, all of the D.C. Metro Moms were. Check it out.

I'm also spouting off at Lawyer Mama Dabbles about my discovery and love of color and such. Check it out. I like that photo essay so much, I may post it over here.

And you thought I'd just been slacking lately!

Yes, my readers, comments, and Technorati rating are starting to approach zero, but that's just because I don't have time to comment on all of your lovely blogs. I've been doing the "drive by" a lot lately and I apologize. I'm not doing a very good job of holding up my end of the conversation. But I'm trying.

The Emperor's New Clothes

My blog is my little narcissistic home away from home. In my corporeal life, my friends and family tend to get annoyed if I spend too much time naval gazing, talking about myself, or whining about my real (or imagined) problems. In the blog world, people seem to enjoy reading about my foibles and frequently come back for more.

Of course, part of that return readership is no doubt related to the dialogue and rapport we establish on our blogs. But let's face it, part of the appeal of blog reading is the glimpse we get into someone else's life. That life may be one you envy, one you relate to, or one that makes you feel superior and relieved to be you. Sometimes it's all of those. Frequently it's all of those.

I know that I personally enjoy reading about politics, social issues, and things we can do to make a difference. But the blogs posts that haunt me are personal. They incorporate real experiences, real relationships, and real problems into hauntingly beautiful writing. It's like a never ending novel with my favorite characters. But I get to keep reading about Lizzie and Mr. Darcy's life after their marriage. I read about their restrained arguments, fertility problems, and intolerable in-laws.

Sometimes, I get to meet my favorite characters in person.

When I think about the things I leave off of my blog and cloak in "privacy," I frequently try to compare it to writing a novel. I ask myself "if I put this fight with my husband in a book with different names, would he be angry?" The answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no. But a blog is different. There is no line stating "any resemblance to real people is entirely coincidental" to hide behind. We aren't characters in a novel. This is my life out there for all the world to Google, read, and judge.

So how do I maintain that thin, but important, veil of privacy around those I love?

I do have certain rules. I don't blog about my sex life or my personal relationship with my husband. This has left some readers with the impression that T is annoyingly perfect. Trust me when I say he is anything but perfect. He's a hell of a lot closer to it than I am, but no one is perfect. But our marriage and the trust we have to share our innermost feelings is far more important than a blog post. T's issues are not mine to share. They belong to him. My issues with T are not mine to share. They belong to us.

I also refrain from blogging about family problems. As with my relationship with my husband, trust is more important than airing my parents' dirty laundry. That's why I have a therapist!

I don't blog about work. I have no desire to be Dooced, destroy my relationships with opposing counsel and co-workers, or be disbarred.

Those are the easy rules.

The hardest rules are those with my children. That's a post for another day because I don't have 5 hours to share my thoughts (and guilt) about their privacy.

What about other people I interact with or people from my past? They fall into a gray area. I can't avoid blogging about any of my personal relationships or this would be a pretty boring blog. But I do have to think about how I would feel if that person found my blog. Or how I would feel if anyone from my past found my blog.

I've written about a painful relationship and break up I had in my early twenties and my still, somewhat, unresolved feelings about the whole matter. How would I feel if my ex-boyfriend read my post about him? How would he feel? I don't think I would be upset. In fact, I know I wouldn't. I would never post something about someone I know that I wouldn't tell them in person if they asked.

But the ex? I have a feeling he might be a bit upset about my revelations about his more recent past. I would apologize for hurting him, but I don't think I would remove the post. If he had confidentially shared the information about his past, I would never have written the post in the first place. But he didn't and ultimately the post is more about me than anyone else.

I was forced to think about my invisible cloak of privacy because two people I knew in high school are now occasionally reading my blog (Hi, K! Hi, B!) one of whom I suspect had a crush on me once upon a time.... (Or maybe I'm projecting.) Somehow it's easier to think of strangers reading my intimate thoughts about a deeply personal topic than it is to think of friends who knew me and my ex-boyfriend, who knew the people we were then.

Happily Ever After was one of the most personal posts I've ever written. It says a lot about me and who I am now. And so, ultimately, I guess I'm happy to have anyone who knew me then, know me now.

When you're looking at me on display in all my naked glory? Just try to ignore the stretch marks.

This post is for Julie's weekly Hump Day Hmmm.

'Tis The Season ... To Be Tacky

I have this rule about Christmas lights. There shall only be white lights on the outside of my home. We put colored lights on our tree and I certainly don't do a designer tree. I love all of the family ornaments and those we've collected over the year. Our Christmas tree is special. It's personal.

But in my yard there will be no inflatable Santa, no plastic nativity scene, no hodgepodge of lights causing seizures among the neighborhood children and sucking up enough energy to power Lichtenstein. This is pretty much Lawyer Mama's Third Commandment. It comes right after "Thou shalt put the toilet seat down" and "Thou shalt not pick your nose in public."

Why the edict on the lights? It's a slippery slope. It starts out as a harmless little lighted mechanical reindeer. Next thing you know, your yard looks like this:


I was flabbergasted when I saw this today. But then puzzled when I thought I spotted an ostrich in the plastic nativity scene. I may be a heathen, but I think I'd remember that from the Bible.


I made T drive around the other side of the house so I could check the ostrich out from a different angle.


Well, it's still tacky.

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Folks, today is Day 8 of the Stalking of Wil Wheaton. Alpha Dogma was kind enough to award me a BhD for my relentless stalking of Wil Wheaton. She even offered up some Wil eye candy for my perusal. Even if Wil never acknowledges my existence, at least I'll always have that. Thank you, my dear AD. Thank you.

I'm so putting that on my resume.

And now I'm passing the BhD on to Jenny from Mama Drama and The Blogess, the inspiration for my Wil stalking campaign. Jenny is so damn funny it's almost sad. In a funny way. Her Halloween post nearly gave me a stroke. Jenny excels at funny, but she also excels at the personal and she's a fantastic writer. Plus, she really gets me. I mean, she's semi-stalking Amy Sedaris and even wrote her a letter. With pictures. And gave it to her at BlogHer. Dude. I want to be Jenny when I grow up. Or don't grow up.

Seriously, what is with those Houston bloggers? They all seem to be amazing. Jenny, Julie, and Kyla are almost enough to make me move to Houston.

The Good, The Bad, & The Stupid

Today is my Blogiversary.

One year ago, Lawyer Mama burst into the Blogosphere with drivel about poop, motherhood, life, and stuff. I fully expected my mom and maybe my husband to read. Anyone else was a bonus. Now, 150 posts later, I'm amazed. I don't know why the hell you people keep coming back, but you do.

And I love it.

But because I'm too damn lazy to write a real post for you tonight, I thought I'd share some of my personal favorites from the year. A Lawyer Mama's Greatest Hits, if you will. Enjoy!

The Good Stuff:

Competitive Mothering
Mommy Blogs Are The New Pink
Objects In The Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear

The Bad Stuff:

Dark and Stormy Seas
Breathe

The Stupid Stuff:

Poo Flinging
Just a Boy and His Vacuum
Just Call Me "Grace"
Wherein I Admit That I Am A Bad Mother

Thanks for sharing the past year with me. It's been great.

Race and the Blogosphere

This post is part of Julie Pippert's Hump Day Hmm and BlogRhet's "Let's Talk About Race, Baby" week long initiative.

There have been some fascinating debates going on in the Blogosphere about race as it relates to blogging over the last few weeks. In fact, Julie's Hump Day Hmmm to all of us this week is to discuss whether race matters on the Internet, or whether it should matter.

I have many thoughts on this subject and no time to write them all down. However, Julie asked us to put our comments from her post into a post of our own if the topic as a whole was overwhelming.

A little background first: If asked a few months ago if race mattered on the Internet, I would have said yes and no. Sometimes people write from a racial and cultural perspective that I find interesting. Although my blog roll over there is pretty white bread, I do enjoy variety and I have over 200 blogs in my Bloglines. Some are parents, some are not. Some are white, some are not. But overall I would have argued that the Internet is a place that is colorblind.

Aside from the economical aspect of Internet access (that's a post for another time), if you don't want your race known on the Internet, it won't be. If we're honest, I think that on the Internet, even if your race is advertised and discussed, there aren't the same stumbling blocks or awkwardness to a discussion that there might be face to face.

Julie, in her post, discussed why race sometimes should matter, in medical diagnosis and on the Internet. She points out that our genetic background may be the key to an ailment that our skin color does not reveal. Then Julie wonderfully describes why our race and cultural backgrounds may be and sometimes should be important. I agree with her point that different cultures and different perspectives, whether seen through the veil of color or not, can be an amazing addition to our online conversations. How boring this blogging world would be if we all agreed about everything and we all had the same background.

Part of my comment to Julie on this post was:

Sometimes I think its easy for those of us who are white (or at least appear to be) to say that race doesn't or shouldn't matter. But you point out quite aptly, that sometimes it should. I tend to think that we should embrace our similarities and our differences because *that* is what will make this world interesting, whether in the "real" world or the blogosphere.

Her Bad Mother raised some interesting questions in her comment to the discussion:

Do bloggers have an obligation to write their racial/ethnic/cultural (not to mention sexual, etc.) identities into their texts? Do *readers* have an obligation to seek that information out? How do we navigate this issue in a community that allows - even encourages - certain degrees of invisibility?

I can't pretend to have all the answers. In fact, I don't want to have all of the answers. I just want to participate in the discussion.

So tell me what you think, in the comments or on your blog. Does race matter in the Blogosphere? Add your voice to the discussion.

I apologize for writing a half-assed post and not including all of the necessary linky love, but I have a lot going on right now. If you read Julie's post, I promise you'll find all the background you need on this weighty topic.

This Isn't About the Law

When I started this blog I didn't really expect anyone other than my mom, and occasionally my husband, to read it. But I love this little community I've stumbled upon. I've developed real relationships with many of you - at least in my head - and at least one real live friend.

When I started this blog, it was also with the intent to remain anonymous aside from a few friends and family. That went by the wayside when a co-worker and friend blabbed about my blog to some other co-workers. (L - chill, you know I'm just poking at you.) Then, in a fit of insanity, I wrote a guest post for a rather popular blog on WashingtonPost.com under my real name, and they linked it to my blog.

Hell, many of you know my real name and where I work because I tend to reply to comments from my work email address. Actually, the only reason my real name does not appear on this blog is fear of The Google. I really don't want a prospective client to type my name into Google and have this be the first link. If someone is dedicated enough to find my blog with my real name and Google, it will take them a while to get there and they will be forced to slog through many of my professional publications to get there. If someone finds my blog after all that work, I'm perfectly OK with that.

But still, there is one line I will not cross. (Well, actually there are a few, but this is not a post about sex. Sorry to disappoint.)

I do not discuss the law.

It may come as a disappointment to people who click on a link to my blog expecting a "legal blog" but, despite my blog name, I will never focus on the law. Don't get me wrong, I would love to show off my legal brain here. The law is one thing I feel very confident discussing. But my little area of the law would either bore you to death or send you screaming from my URL, deleting your Favorites link on your way out the door. I've mentioned my area of expertise here before but, because of The Google, I'm not going to repeat it. Let's just say that it involves a lot of paper, some drawings, and people fighting over what those papers and drawings mean.

I've been tempted to offer my legal analysis of some important and very public cases lately. Particularly when the latest abortion case came down from the Supremes. I even wrote a rather lengthy post dissecting it and discussing past precedent.

It's still sitting in my post list in draft form.

Why the paranoia, you ask?

Well, first of all there are some pretty detailed ethical rules for lawyers regarding advertising and what constitutes an advertisement, and the rules vary in every state in the U.S. I'd rather just steer clear of that stuff entirely and not worry about it. But my primary reason for the legal ban is that I don't want to get into legal pissing matches on the Internet.

Seriously, that's it. I do that at work every single day. I don't want to do that here. And if I write about abortion, or civil rights, or even employment rights, someone is going to try to draw me into a pissing match. And I have a really hard time backing down from a fight.

I was reminded of why I don't write about the law here after my post about Altoids and pregnancy hormones. I just mentioned that I was going to be on Kristin's Blog Talk Radio show and someone started taking pot shots at me. Someone who knew nothing about me, my practice, or even my real name, and, I would hazard a guess, didn't listen to Kristin's show.

I wasn't quite sure why someone writing about me bothered me so much. It wasn't the disagreement with my opinion; I could give two shits about that. It wasn't even necessarily the questioning of my legal ethics, because, come. on. Ridiculous implications are still just ridiculous implications.

No, what bothered me was the reminder that there are so many strangers reading this blog.

Now, I know that everyone who comments here regularly was once a "stranger." I would never password protect my blog because I love finding new blogs. I've discovered so many wonderful insightful bloggers out there because someone happened to stop by my blog and leave a comment, or just appeared in my Blog Log over there in the side bar.

I also know that I have friends, co-workers and family stopping by and they don't usually comment. I have my fair share of people who arrive here through bizarre Google searches about spanking and Snow White. I'm also sure that there are people who read my blog and don't comment because they either don't have blogs, or they just don't comment anywhere. That doesn't bother me. No, what gives me pause is the idea that someone would come here, read my blog, not participate, and then go blog about me, and not necessarily in a "You go, girl" kind of way. Blogging negatively about another blogger? That would just never occur to me.

So maybe someone can tell me what motivates people to do that? Because it's really making me think twice about how I want to use this blog and what I want to say here.

I'm not going to stop blogging because of a troll or two. But I would hate to get to the point where I have to change my voice here to keep my sanity.



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Of course, now that I have proclaimed my steadfast rule that Lawyer Mama Shall Never Blogeth About The Law, I will now briefly suspend that rule. Because I am the queen here and I can do what I want.

During the first 20 minutes or so of Kristin's show, there were some technical problems. Consequently, my brilliant (and I use the term brilliant loosely) legal analysis and some hilarious comments from the Queen of Shake Shake are missing from the podcast. So here's the 30 second run down of the good news and the bad news for those who may accidentally run afoul of the law in New Jersey:

1. The New Jersey shoplifting statute requires a person to act purposely, with intent to deprive a retailer of property.
2. However, being caught with said property by a law enforcement officer establishes intent.

So if a ducky accidentally falls into a stroller, there is no purposeful act and no intent and, therefore, no "shoplifting." But if someone pushing the stroller is tackled by a security officer, and a search of the stroller reveals said ducky, the person pushing the stroller is screwed. Unless there is a helpful surveillance camera film or something.

That's it. That's what all the fuss was about.

Now, I'm off to turn myself into my state bar for encouraging all of you to commit crimes.
{/sarcasm}

And seriously, if you think I'm offering you legal advice or that this has established an attorney-client relationship, you're an idiot and you shouldn't be reading my blog. If so, slap yourself in the forehead. Right now! Oh, and I'd like to sell you a bridge in Brooklyn.

Cartoon courtesy of "Microdoc News" (out of business) by way of Google Blogoscoped.

The BlogRhet Meme

If you've been hip to the thinky blog world lately, then you've heard about BlogRhet. And if you haven't, you should check it out. BlogRhet is the brainchild of some wonderfully thinky, blogging women, with the goal of discussing blogging, community, identity, and all that wonderful stuff. Rhetorically, of course. BlogRhet. Get it? Love the name and I love big ideas. So I loooooove these women.

The fabulous women of BlogRhet have started a thinkfest known as the Blog on Blog Action Survey. The rules? Answer one or more of the questions below - I went with all of them because I'm an overachiever, link back to the original BlogRhet post, and tag 3 bloggers.

I must admit this is the first meme I've really been excited about answering, aside from the very first meme tag I received. I even commented yesterday that I couldn't wait to see where this meme goes and how it evolves. So, the wonderful Mary G of Them's My Sentiments was kind enough to tag me. Mary is a BlogRhet contributor and comes from a long line of thinky women. Her prose is amazing and she never fails to engross me. She claims to be new to this blogging thing, but she immediately fit right in with everyone and she's a wonderful writer. If you've never had a chance to check out her blog, please do. You won't regret it.

The Questions:

1. Go back to first or early post. How would you describe your voice back in those early days? Who were you writing to? What was your sense of audience (if any) back then?

I started my blog as kind of a journal. I didn't really have a clear view of exactly what I was going to do with it, but I knew that I wanted a place to write about myself, my kids, and whatever else I felt like ranting about occasionally. I was asking questions, but I wasn't really expecting anyone to answer. For the first couple of months, I was finding my voice and my audience. I ranted about a few things that annoyed or upset me, but the posts that I most enjoyed writing, and the posts that I most enjoy reading now, were about my family or me as a mom. My writing style hasn't changed much, perhaps because I write often professionally, albeit a bit more formally. I honestly think that within a month of beginning to blog, I had found the voice I have now. I didn't take many chances or really let it all hang out, but I can hear myself when I read my earliest posts.

2. Do you remember when you received your first comment? What was it like?

My first post was your basic, "Hey, I'm here," post with cavernous echos reverberating around my space. There's not much else to it but John Lennon lyrics. There's a comment on it now, but it's a recent comment by someone new to my blog, Stephanie of Missing Me. (I had to give her a shout out because of her awesome name.) My second post, a short paragraph about my never ending debate over whether to work part-time, contains my first comment from someone I don't know in real life. Yet. (I fully intend to hang out with Pundit Mom at BlogHer in July.) Joanne really gave me my first glimpse into the Blog community. Someone I didn't know was reading what I wrote, understood my struggle, and took the time to leave me a supportive comment. WOW! That's better than therapy! And it's addictive as hell. It really is.

3. Can you point to a stage where you began to feel that your blog might be part of a conversation? Where you might be part of a larger community of interacting writers?

There were a couple of moments that led up to a really big moment of clarity. At that point, I realized that blogging is now a really important part of my life because of the wonderful dialogue I have with all these people. The first "moment" was not a post for my blog. It was actually a guest blog that I wrote for the On Balance blog on the Washington Post. (Bear with me and click through the links to find it. And hint - this is how people who Google my real name can find my blog.) Go ahead and read the comments and you'll see why I took notice.

People who had seen me elsewhere in the Blogosphere and people who were already Lawyer Mama readers saw my On Balance post and came by to be part of the dialogue. There were even more comments that you don't see - from people who googled my name and emailed me. One woman from Tennessee even called me to tell me how much she appreciated what I had written. It was amazing. And it was really the first time I realized that what I wrote in my personal life, and not just my professional life, could really make a difference to anyone.

After that, honestly, I really felt like I was having a conversation through many of my favorite posts. Finally, all of these thoughts that had been building up inside of me about the blogging community, and "Mommy Bloggers" in particular, came pouring out in response to a troll at Pundit Mom's place. That was it. I had found my people.

4. Do you think that this sense of audience or community might have affected the way you began to write?

Yes, discovering my community has definitely changed how I write, but in a good way. When I was first finding my voice, I was very careful about revealing too much of Me. I mean, the gooey, snarky, messy Me. The Me that my family and close friends love. Now, I tend not to care too much because I know that any judgment I find in my community will be from random, anonymous trolls. Now I talk about my fears and I take some chances. But frankly, this is a recent occurrence for me. I've only been blogging since August of 2006, although it seems like much longer.

In fact, my favorite post was written just last month. It isn't my favorite because of the writing or anything. It's my favorite because it was the post that was hardest to publish and is still the most difficult for me to read. This blog didn't start out as a way to push myself emotionally or intellectually, but in a way that is what it has become. I feel like I'm growing as a person and a writer because of the conversations I have in the Blogosphere. It's a wonderful thing, this community and this audience.
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Let's continue this conversation. I tag Jen of One Plus Two (when she is healthy again, of course), My Queen Ms. Miller of Queen of the Mayhem, and my first Bloggy friend, Joanne of Pundit Mom. Now, none of you can get indignant about being tagged for another meme (I'm talking to you, Queenie!) because this is a special meme. Get to it, ladies. I can't wait to hear what you have to say!

I'm Going to BlogHer!

Well, it's official. I'm going to BlogHer! (Well, it's been official for a few days now but I'm just getting around to posting it.) I can't say that T understands why I want to go, but he was all for me having some time to myself and I don't even have to earn my trip. Although, to be honest, I think T realizes that he really had no say in the matter anyway!

As a bonus, CPA Mom and I managed to get flights to Chicago together and we'll be rooming with Amy W. at the W Sheraton. I know a few of you are going for sure, but please drop me an email if you'd like to get together. I'm sure we can find a lunch table that will fit everyone.



Angela - I still can't seem to post on your blog, but I did read your post. As I've said before, I'm great at hand holding and am impervious to drama. Hang in there, sweetie.

Should I Go to BlogHer?

Well, what do you think, folks? Should I go to BlogHer 2007? I didn't think I could swing it because of vacation and work schedules, but it looks like I may be able to arrange things. Plus, I have a squillion bonus miles I could use for my flight. The hubby is on board and I almost booked my hotel reservation this afternoon. But then I started wondering if I would be that awkward chick hanging out on the side, hoping she'll be invited to sit at the popular girls' lunch table. This is a big jump for an introvert.

So who's going? Talk me into it. Tell me how much fun I'll have!