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6/25/2007
Lock Me Up and Throw Away the Key
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When I was pregnant with Big H, I stole a can of Sour Altoids.

In the interest of full disclosure, they were lime flavored.

I had horrible, puking out my nose, three times a day morning sickness with Hollis. (I'll be sure to tell him that daily when he's 16.) I had every nausea drug known to man but let's face it, they just take the edge off. Nothing and I mean nothing can kill really serious morning sickness.

I'd read somewhere that sucking on lemons can help you get through the urge to ralph, but that wasn't very convenient. I couldn't really carry a bag of produce around with me everywhere. Then Altoids came out with those little lemon drop like sour things - and yes, they are curiously strong. The Altoids worked just as well as lemons. If the morning sickness came when I was, say, about to argue a motion in court, it was a lot easier to explain why I was eating candy than to explain why I had just puked all over the judge's courtroom.

I had those little silver tins everywhere, including several in my purse.

One day in the second trimester, yes, the second trimester - I was puking up until the day I gave birth - I went to pick up some film from my local Eckerd. I had had a few special requests, like 5x7 prints, so I asked for a quote when I dropped the film off. The chipper 12 year old behind the counter told me it would be around $20. But when I went to pick up the film, they charged me $45. Yeah, you don't want to piss off a pregnant woman who can puke on demand. Seriously, people. Not a good idea.

Anyway, I, predictably, flipped. the. F. out. The manager was called. I dumped the contents of my purse out to find my film receipt where the chipper 12 year old had helpfully jotted down my information and the $20 estimate. The manager caved and gave me my $20 photos BUT they had neglected to make the photo disc I'd requested so I flipped the F out on her all over again. I grabbed my photos, stuffed everything back into my purse, and stormed home.

When I got home, I shared my hormonal rage with T, who wasn't suitably enraged on my behalf. But when I dumped my purse out again to show him the photos, I discovered a tin of Mandarin Orange Sour Altoids. Unopened. Not my flavor.

Uh oh.

Yep, in my blind hormonal rage I had inadvertently stolen a tin of Altoids from the display on the film counter. Whoopsie.

I wish I could say that I bravely marched in to Eckerd the next day and turned myself in, but I didn't. In fact, I made T go back to the store and pick up my picture disc just in case someone had decided to review the security surveillance film and had a Wanted poster up with my face on it.

OK, so maybe you all think I'm a horrible person now because I didn't return the Altoids. I rationalized to myself that I had been overcharged by Eckerd in the past. I rationalized that I had been paying their grossly marked up film developing prices for years. And then I ate my purloined Altoids.

And they were pretty yummy.

In fact, Mandarin Orange became my new favorite Altoids flavor.

What's the point of this story? Well, if you haven't been following the flack over the Duck at Motherhood Uncensored and The Mom Trap, go read this. Make sure you read the comments too. You wouldn't believe how strongly people feel about inadvertently stolen plush duckies from The Gap. It's eye opening. And Kristin's follow up to the post is pretty damn funny.

Kristin has asked me to be her legal expert, and I use the term "expert" loosely, in a discussion about the ethics of duckie heisting on her Blog Talk Radio show this Wednesday evening. So, because you're all dying to listen to me make a fool of myself publicly, I know you'll click on the Blog Talk icon at the top of this post to listen to the show live on Wednesday night. The show starts at 10pm EST and Kristin will be giving away some fun prizes for people who call in. I understand that a Fadiddle Keep the Duck (or Give Back the Duck) t-shirt will be up for grabs. Hell, that's reason enough alone to listen or call in.

I also want to know what you think. Keep the Duck? Give back the Duck? Shut the F up about the Duck?

You already know my opinion.

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19 Comments:

Blogger jen said...

i would have happily kept the altoids, too.

Blogger slouching mom said...

i would have kept the duck and the altoids.

so there.

funny story, LM!

Blogger CPA Mom said...

Ok, HOPEFULLY our internet at home will be back up Wed morning and I'll be able to listen in. Cross your fingers.

Long Live The Duck.

Love the story! I am going to have to go and do some research on this story....then I can render an informed judgement! :)

By the way, go check out my blog..someone there thinks you are a rock star!

Blogger Jenn said...

Keep the damn duck and hold it while sucking the altoids.

And do it while on a web-cast, waving to all of haters.

That should make them smile.

Blogger Christine said...

Those altoids sound yummy. Steal me some next time your at the store, k?

Seriously--I would have kept them too. And the duck. But the duck story is getting old. Or I am getting old. Or both.

Sigh.

Blogger SheilaAndChase said...

I'd have kept the altoids too. I totally agree with your rationalization (sp?).

On the other hand I know nothing about the ducks. Guess I'm gonna have to read up on that one.

Can't wait to hear you on the radio.

Oh btw, my last blog entry was about stealing too. And it had to do with you..before I even read this. Odd...

Blogger Amy W said...

Congrats on the Blogtalk gig!

I won't even begin to tell you the number of things I have walked out of stores with...

I would have SO kept them.

Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Good gravy the duck thing STILL?

Look just say a few hail marys or something and forget about the Altoids. I already have. ;) And the rest of the stuff my kids have lifted from the stores LOL.

You're going to be broadcast.

Will you remember the little people?

Blogger Mike M said...

Great post!!

I'd say nothing at all at this point or as you put it "shut the F up about the duck"

Blogger PunditMom said...

Excellent! Be careful -- you'll be getting lots of bloggy clients!

Blogger Sunshine said...

Yep, I would have kept both the duck and the Altoids.

Blogger NotSoSage said...

You know, I haven't really been following the duck thing (though I'm aware of it), but I am still inclined to go with the third option. Except in your case, of course, but that's just 'cause I want to hear what you're going to say on the show.

I luuurrrve the Mandarin Orange ones, so I probably would have kept the can of them, too! That said, I corrected a cashier yesterday when she tried to charge me 13.99 for coffee that was priced at 15.99, but I was raised a Catholic. Even if you're not practicing, you can't run from your own d*mn guilty conscience.

I promise. We will let the duck lie, or swim, or whatever after this show.

And then move onto more exciting things.

Um.

Like what?

Looking forward to speaking with you!

Blogger ewe are here said...

I'd have kept the Altoids.

Now I must go read about the duck.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's your take on the ethical considerations raised on that legal blog this afternoon?s

Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

I posted a short response on the other blog. Frankly, it's a bit ridiculous and I shouldn't have bothered to reply at all.

If you listened to the show you know that I did not offer advice or a legal justification on the show and I did not do that here. Kristin is not my client and I'm very careful *not* to talk about the law on my blog. Very careful.

I did offer a legal analysis of the New Jersey shoplifting statute on Kristin's show, just as many lawyers do every day in the more traditional media forms. In fact, I do it myself in professional publications on a regular basis. In fact, the author of the "legal" blog you are referring to does so frequently as well.

The author of the legal blog post, unfortunately, made assumptions about what I was going to say. And she went even further by questioning my legal ethics without justification. THAT just pissed me off.

I, in fact, actually think that the author of the legal blog post was trying to get traffic from the duck fiasco. (Which is why I am very carefully not mentioning her name.) But, since we're throwing insinuations around, because she is a lawyer she should be careful as well. I'm sure she's familiar with the elements of a libel claim.

This response is starting to border on a rant, so I'll shut it down now. If you'd like to discuss the legal or ethical considerations by email further, my email is in my profile.

Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

I saw that legal blog post, and it was, as you say, full of assumptions.

And, as with all the reactive commentary on the flipping duck, totally missing the point.

Loved hearing you last night!

Anonymous Tiffany said...

I'm sorry that you chose to misinterpret my comments so completely. I say "chose" because anyone who is capable of cogent legal analysis can certainly comprehend the written word well enough to understand that when I say "I don't know that I'd call Kristen a client", I'm not (as you stated in your comment) "implying that Kristen is your client" and that when I say "nor that what LawyerMama is offering legal advice" I'm not (as you stated in your comment) "implying that you're offering legal advice." I'm also a bit confused as to how "I'm interested to hear what she's going to say" is an assumption about what you were going to say. I'm troubled by what was obviously a conscious choice to mischaracterize my comments and respond to something I didn't say, including the fact that I didn't "question your legal ethics"--I said that I assumed you had an ethical justification for your position, even though I was unable to guess what it might be, and I was eager to hear it. But, of course, you already know all that. This is really for the benefit of the readers who may be relying on your wholly inaccurate description of the post. They may disagree with me, but I'd much prefer that they disagreed with what I said than what you pretended I said in order to excite a bit of extra emotion.

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