Lock Me Up and Throw Away the Key

When I was pregnant with Big H, I stole a can of Sour Altoids.

In the interest of full disclosure, they were lime flavored.

I had horrible, puking out my nose, three times a day morning sickness with Hollis. (I'll be sure to tell him that daily when he's 16.) I had every nausea drug known to man but let's face it, they just take the edge off. Nothing and I mean nothing can kill really serious morning sickness.

I'd read somewhere that sucking on lemons can help you get through the urge to ralph, but that wasn't very convenient. I couldn't really carry a bag of produce around with me everywhere. Then Altoids came out with those little lemon drop like sour things - and yes, they are curiously strong. The Altoids worked just as well as lemons. If the morning sickness came when I was, say, about to argue a motion in court, it was a lot easier to explain why I was eating candy than to explain why I had just puked all over the judge's courtroom.

I had those little silver tins everywhere, including several in my purse.

One day in the second trimester, yes, the second trimester - I was puking up until the day I gave birth - I went to pick up some film from my local Eckerd. I had had a few special requests, like 5x7 prints, so I asked for a quote when I dropped the film off. The chipper 12 year old behind the counter told me it would be around $20. But when I went to pick up the film, they charged me $45. Yeah, you don't want to piss off a pregnant woman who can puke on demand. Seriously, people. Not a good idea.

Anyway, I, predictably, flipped. the. F. out. The manager was called. I dumped the contents of my purse out to find my film receipt where the chipper 12 year old had helpfully jotted down my information and the $20 estimate. The manager caved and gave me my $20 photos BUT they had neglected to make the photo disc I'd requested so I flipped the F out on her all over again. I grabbed my photos, stuffed everything back into my purse, and stormed home.

When I got home, I shared my hormonal rage with T, who wasn't suitably enraged on my behalf. But when I dumped my purse out again to show him the photos, I discovered a tin of Mandarin Orange Sour Altoids. Unopened. Not my flavor.

Uh oh.

Yep, in my blind hormonal rage I had inadvertently stolen a tin of Altoids from the display on the film counter. Whoopsie.

I wish I could say that I bravely marched in to Eckerd the next day and turned myself in, but I didn't. In fact, I made T go back to the store and pick up my picture disc just in case someone had decided to review the security surveillance film and had a Wanted poster up with my face on it.

OK, so maybe you all think I'm a horrible person now because I didn't return the Altoids. I rationalized to myself that I had been overcharged by Eckerd in the past. I rationalized that I had been paying their grossly marked up film developing prices for years. And then I ate my purloined Altoids.

And they were pretty yummy.

In fact, Mandarin Orange became my new favorite Altoids flavor.

What's the point of this story? Well, if you haven't been following the flack over the Duck at Motherhood Uncensored and The Mom Trap, go read this. Make sure you read the comments too. You wouldn't believe how strongly people feel about inadvertently stolen plush duckies from The Gap. It's eye opening. And Kristin's follow up to the post is pretty damn funny.

Kristin has asked me to be her legal expert, and I use the term "expert" loosely, in a discussion about the ethics of duckie heisting on her Blog Talk Radio show this Wednesday evening. So, because you're all dying to listen to me make a fool of myself publicly, I know you'll click on the Blog Talk icon at the top of this post to listen to the show live on Wednesday night. The show starts at 10pm EST and Kristin will be giving away some fun prizes for people who call in. I understand that a Fadiddle Keep the Duck (or Give Back the Duck) t-shirt will be up for grabs. Hell, that's reason enough alone to listen or call in.

I also want to know what you think. Keep the Duck? Give back the Duck? Shut the F up about the Duck?

You already know my opinion.