Oh, the Joys' recent post about The Shot inspired me to share some of our bad habits publicly. I'm sure T will be thrilled.
My husband and I are lazy.
We have a two story house. We have a diaper pail upstairs, but we both hate to empty it. So why bother? Instead we have this habit of balling up the diapers and tossing them over the baby gate and down the stairs. Bonus points if we can hit the front door without the diaper bursting.
We also fling diapers on the first floor because, well, we're lazy. Rather than getting off of our butts and throwing the diapers in the trash can, we both toss them over yet another baby gate and towards the back door. Bonus points if we can hit the back door without the diaper bursting.
Our kids have picked up on the game.
(By the way, I would never use the aforementioned "butt" word in front of the kids. Never.)
Awhile ago I had the kiddos at the mall and needed to brave the mall restrooms to change Holden's nasty, nasty diaper. Now, being lazy and a bit skeeved out by public changing tables, I might normally have ignored the smell until we got home. (One more for the Mommy Confessions.) But my poor Little H had a nasty diaper rash, necessitating immediate changing.
In the restroom, Hollis insisted on "helping" me change his little brother. I let him put a few dabs of the Boudreaux's Butt Paste on Holden.
I can't hold myself responsible for the fact that Hollis then grabbed the balled up used diaper and chucked it out the door of the restroom and into the surprised mall crowd while yelling "I fix brother's BUTT!"
Now, I'm sure that the Lawyer Mama household diaper flinging game had nothing to do with it. Nope. Not at all.
And just for the record, I have no idea where he learned the word "butt." (LM turns her eyes skyward while whistling innocently).
Now, I am holding myself responsible for the fact that I nearly peed myself laughing, guaranteeing that Hollis will try to publicly fling diapers again.
What, me? I was framed.
My husband and I are lazy.
We have a two story house. We have a diaper pail upstairs, but we both hate to empty it. So why bother? Instead we have this habit of balling up the diapers and tossing them over the baby gate and down the stairs. Bonus points if we can hit the front door without the diaper bursting.
We also fling diapers on the first floor because, well, we're lazy. Rather than getting off of our butts and throwing the diapers in the trash can, we both toss them over yet another baby gate and towards the back door. Bonus points if we can hit the back door without the diaper bursting.
Our kids have picked up on the game.
(By the way, I would never use the aforementioned "butt" word in front of the kids. Never.)
Awhile ago I had the kiddos at the mall and needed to brave the mall restrooms to change Holden's nasty, nasty diaper. Now, being lazy and a bit skeeved out by public changing tables, I might normally have ignored the smell until we got home. (One more for the Mommy Confessions.) But my poor Little H had a nasty diaper rash, necessitating immediate changing.
In the restroom, Hollis insisted on "helping" me change his little brother. I let him put a few dabs of the Boudreaux's Butt Paste on Holden.
I can't hold myself responsible for the fact that Hollis then grabbed the balled up used diaper and chucked it out the door of the restroom and into the surprised mall crowd while yelling "I fix brother's BUTT!"
Now, I'm sure that the Lawyer Mama household diaper flinging game had nothing to do with it. Nope. Not at all.
And just for the record, I have no idea where he learned the word "butt." (LM turns her eyes skyward while whistling innocently).
Now, I am holding myself responsible for the fact that I nearly peed myself laughing, guaranteeing that Hollis will try to publicly fling diapers again.
If you frequent malls in the Southeastern portion of Virginia, beware.
What, me? I was framed.Labels: Mama Drama
24 Comments:
Talk about extreme sports. Soiled diaper hurling sounds like it should have its own TLC reality show.
Wha? You don't just toss them out the window and run them over with the mower wherein you fertilize the yard?
I think you should petition the IOC. You'd be a shoe-in for the gold and silver, respectively.
Hahahaha......ahhhhhh. That was a good laugh. As you can see, I've decided to stop lurking in the shadows sis :)
Hahaha! Wow! This is the first time I've been to your blog--what a post to "meet" you with! So funny. We absolutely do the same sort of thing, though I've never had one of my kids imitate it in a public place. Well done. I'd have peed myself laughing too...
BWAHAHAHA <-- that's laughing with you my friend!
I use grocery bags. Put diapers in it. Throw down stairs. Take out with next departure.
Yesterday's diaper trash bag still sits by the front door. I can see it. My hands have been too full or my mind too busy to think to take it out.
I will not share all the ways my kids have made Special Moments in public for me.
P.S. How did I miss your post below? Okay going down to read and comment.
OK, now I don't feel so bad about not being perfect! :-)
Hilarious!
Flying nappies! Too funny. Especially the lobbing into mall.
Have to report, I've been known to toss them down the stairs here, too...
OMG!! I don't even have kids and I think I just peed my pants! It was great to meet you last night, so it makes this story that much more funny!
LOVE IT!
LOVE HIM!
Well, he did help him!
By the way, there are a lot worse things he could have and probably will say one day!!!!!!!!!! :)
Oh man, we did that too. Diapers lofted over the banister all the way down to the foyer.
Fun stuff, my friend.
Thanks for the laugh.
Mad & Adrienne - I'm sending off my letters to the IOC & TLC now!
DD - I stupidly shared your comment with my husband and he responded with "Great idea! Why didn't I think of that?" And he was serious.
B! (Or should I say "Still Learning?") Now are you going to write something on that blog or are you just trying to tease me?
Brillig - Welcome! It's nice to "meet" you. I just clicked over to your blog a few moments ago and nearly peed myself again. You are hillarious!
Julie - Oh come on! You have to share your very special public moments. How else will I convince myself that I'm not a horribly bad parent? LOL!
JudesMommy - Well, aside from the laziness, and the potty mouth, and the ineffective parenting I'm absolutely perfect. Honest.
Ewe - It sounds better when you say "nappies" for some reason!
Little Sis - It was great to meet you too! And thanks!
My Queen - Please don't burst my optimistic parenting bubble yet. I'm not ready to face the reality that my children will be making me blush in public for the next 17 years. Or longer!
SM - I am so glad to know I'm not the only one. Look at all the diaper tossers I've brought out of the woodwork!
I love it! We often throw our shoes over the banister to keep the kids from falling over them, and now they take their shoes off and toss them over as well. Next time I tell them to quit I'll say a little prayer that at least it wasn't poo!
That is great stuff.
Speaking of the word "butt," my hubby uses the term "butt cream" for diaper rash cream (we use butt paste too :-) and sure enough, when my son was/is in need of some of it, he asks for "butt cream." What are you going to do? :-)
Omigosh, that was hilarious.
We make Audrey carry her own diapers to the trash can in our house....:)
Extra, extra points for writing a post that I find so endearing. (You KNEW I would like this one!!)
Wheeeeee! Throw the diapers! (Who wants to make elaborate diaper sausages with that piece of Genie crap anyway?)
I'm pretty sure they've added this as an event for the Olympics in Beijing next year! :O
Our diaper genie is a huge dust colector, we never use it. We just pile them up and then throw them out if they start to stench up the place. Slackers unite!
Never thought of tossing them though, that I will have to try.
i'd pay money to have seen the shoppers outside the restroom playing "dodge the dirty diaper" as it came flying out the door at them...
Now I wish I had seen this BEFORE I came over and innocently walked on those floors...tehehehehe...this is the funniest poop story I think I have ever read. The "I was framed" picture is priceless!!
Thank God I don't frequent the mall near your house....
I know about the laughter though. I always do it, guaranteeing a repeat of whatever terrible behavior I just caught Tigger doing. *sigh*
Classic. It's so so hard not to laugh, eh?
Ahh, the little darlin'! Note to self: Must make sure C. reads this post!
I think I just scared my coworkers by cackling loudly in the deathly quiet office. Awesome story!!
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