Remember all that hullabaloo over drinking at play dates? Well, if you were horrified and you think all those moms should be turned into CPS and immediately enter rehab, you're going to want to look away now.
I'll wait.
Alrighty then.
It's no secret that I love a good martini. But when I'm at the beach, I prefer a rum and coke. (Or a daiquiri, but that's a lot of sugar!) It's portable and easy. I pack the cooler with cans of Diet Coke, water in little 4 ounce bottles for the kids, and a nice sized 10 ounce water bottle full of rum for me and anyone else who wants to partake.
Last weekend when we were at the beach (yes, that beach) a mean boy threw sand in Holden's face. The boy's father was more worried than I was, carefully examining Holden's eyes and saying "oh, it looks bad," in an ominous voice. I calmly picked up the baby and carried him over to our chairs while the dad chewed out his toddler. I was congratulating myself on being so calm and collected. T came over to help me wash Holden's eyes with water and proceeded to dump some of the contents from a water bottle in Holden's eye. That's when I realized that T was dumping my water bottle of rum all over the baby. (You could see that one coming, couldn't you?)
I have to admit that I freaked out a bit. There was lots of hysterical "OH MY GOD, you poured booze in the baby's EYE!!" happening. (Thankfully, no one on the beach called the police.) But I pulled it together and rinsed the poor little guy with water. A few big crocodile tears and a snuggle and Holden was good as gold. No blind baby. No need to explain exactly how we soaked our child in booze to Child Protective Services in the emergency room. Whew!
But I was still shaken. So was T. We both *knew* what was in the bottle. We did. We were just in a hurry. I guess that's how accidents happen.
Holden, aside from toddling drunkenly down the beach smelling like he'd just been doing upside down margaritas at the Sigma Chi kegger, was just peachy. And hey, how many of you can say you've changed a diaper that smelled like a distillery? Yeah, that's what I thought.
I'm such a trendsetter.
Yes, I will refrain from packing alcohol (at least in a water bottle) in my cooler in the future.
Lesson learned.
My Bacardi Baby
*********************
Edited to add:
I just realized that this is my 100th post! Sounds like a good reason to go to the beach and drink spiced rum. (Brilliant suggestion, Gwen!)
Oh and, just to reassure everyone, I don't really think that I am a bad mother. I meant it in that "doesn't my butt look big in these jeans" kind of way. I'm a super cool mom, despite the fact that I marinated my youngest.
I'll wait.
Alrighty then.
It's no secret that I love a good martini. But when I'm at the beach, I prefer a rum and coke. (Or a daiquiri, but that's a lot of sugar!) It's portable and easy. I pack the cooler with cans of Diet Coke, water in little 4 ounce bottles for the kids, and a nice sized 10 ounce water bottle full of rum for me and anyone else who wants to partake.
Last weekend when we were at the beach (yes, that beach) a mean boy threw sand in Holden's face. The boy's father was more worried than I was, carefully examining Holden's eyes and saying "oh, it looks bad," in an ominous voice. I calmly picked up the baby and carried him over to our chairs while the dad chewed out his toddler. I was congratulating myself on being so calm and collected. T came over to help me wash Holden's eyes with water and proceeded to dump some of the contents from a water bottle in Holden's eye. That's when I realized that T was dumping my water bottle of rum all over the baby. (You could see that one coming, couldn't you?)
I have to admit that I freaked out a bit. There was lots of hysterical "OH MY GOD, you poured booze in the baby's EYE!!" happening. (Thankfully, no one on the beach called the police.) But I pulled it together and rinsed the poor little guy with water. A few big crocodile tears and a snuggle and Holden was good as gold. No blind baby. No need to explain exactly how we soaked our child in booze to Child Protective Services in the emergency room. Whew!
But I was still shaken. So was T. We both *knew* what was in the bottle. We did. We were just in a hurry. I guess that's how accidents happen.
Holden, aside from toddling drunkenly down the beach smelling like he'd just been doing upside down margaritas at the Sigma Chi kegger, was just peachy. And hey, how many of you can say you've changed a diaper that smelled like a distillery? Yeah, that's what I thought.
I'm such a trendsetter.
Yes, I will refrain from packing alcohol (at least in a water bottle) in my cooler in the future.
Lesson learned.
My Bacardi Baby*********************
Edited to add:
I just realized that this is my 100th post! Sounds like a good reason to go to the beach and drink spiced rum. (Brilliant suggestion, Gwen!)
Oh and, just to reassure everyone, I don't really think that I am a bad mother. I meant it in that "doesn't my butt look big in these jeans" kind of way. I'm a super cool mom, despite the fact that I marinated my youngest.
Labels: I'm A Good Mother, Mama Drama
48 Comments:
Just spewed my very own rum and coke on keyboard.
You would fit right in down here on the gulf!
Oh LM! Oh I am so sorry but BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
SNORT!
Okay really, I understand EXACTLY how you felt (well, not exactly, but close being as how my kids are winos) but from the outside that's pretty hilarious.
P.S. They have low carb DIET margie mix now. Happy Days are Here Again!
OK, so I know it doesn't seem (that) funny at the moment.
But later? It's gonna seem freakin' hilarious.
Sooooooooo funny!
oh, wow. ONLY because he's perfectly fine am i allowed to laugh...because wow, that is really funny.
i can totally picture this.
Or next time, bring the spiced rum, since it's not clear like water (I'm all about letting you keep your rum and cokes, baby!). Glad Holden ended up unscarred for life. :)
Rum in the water bottle. Brilliant!!
I wanna go to the beach with YOU!
oh crap! Well, you certainly staved off any infections...
Your man was just being antibacterial is all
A little pineapple and coconut and he'd be one tasty pina colada! And two servings of fruit, too!
You know, I think you sterilized him. That's always important as medical procedures go...
Remind me not to sip from your water bottle at the game...
wow. I would have thought Rum would ruin his eyesight or something. Who knew?
You are NOT A BAD MOTHER though. You are an AWESOME mom. Rum does look like water. Alls well that ends well.
So... the kid is fine and you'll be more cautious next time, right?
I fail to see how this makes you a bad mom or how it's even that big a deal.
The kiddo is ok and hey, he probably slept well that night! :)
Cut yourself some slack- you're doing great!
Antiseptic! Brilliant!
Throw some coconut-flavoured sunscreen on that kid and you've got a whole new drink!
Reading how you marinated your son, I almost choked on my tongue. Thanks
Heck, you should have just squeejeed off the rum, squeezed it out of his clothes and did a couple of shots. "Hmmmmm, sandy..."
I'm just jealous that you actually have enough time to sit on the beach and drink a mixed drink. When we hit the beach I barely sit down - someone is always wanting something or wanting to play.
meredith viera would kick yo ass, lady.
i like a rum n coke too. also a fan of the vodka and coke combo.
:D too funny
Holy crap!! That would have freaked me out, too. Thank goodness he's okay and no outside authorities had to get involved. What a night that would have been!
Perhaps you should just go full-out with a flask next time so there's no mistaking. LOL! ;) You're a good Mommy.
Well, I now know a good Christmas gift....a flask!
I always put Baileys in my Starbuck's ... now I am going to have to try the H2O incognito mixed drinks in public instead.
Glad your baby is fine ... now if you ever get busted, just say it's for medicinal purposes only .... great eye wash.
Lucky it wasn't gin. That stuff really will make you go blind. What a scary, surreal experience. LM, I laughed so hard reading this and now, oddly enough, I'm craving a drink.
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Thanks,
David
You are a super-cool mom, because you admit these things and laugh them off and take it in stride.
Because there are moms out there that don't--they are probably on the phone with CPS right now, so I'd just advise keeping your house cleaned and stocked with good food and no liquor for the next week or so. :)
I laughed my a** off over this one! And, as a CP SW, I'm here to tell you that you would not be investigated for this! In fact, the CP staff taking the referral call probably wouldn't even be able to complete the paperwork because they would be so busy laughing! (Can't wait to get to the office tomorrow and share this!)
Perfect!
Maybe you should send that plastic bottle to me... for destruction!
I'm with OTJ ... it's important to kill all the germs with alcohol!
Yum. Ice, Bacardi, coke and lime, always a favorite this drink of sailors. I just can't believe you were careless enough to waste it on a Toddler eye rinse!
;-)
Seriously.... Glad his eye wasn't bothering him much. MF got sand in his eye at nursery this past week and he could not stop rubbing it, poor little guy.
That is too funny. Totally something we'd do!
Okay I don't mean to laugh but damn girl...that is so totally the sort of thing that happens to me. We gotta hang out.
Can I go to the beach with you?
Ah, I love the smell of rum. And salt water. And babies. Not the most PC combo, but fragrant nonetheless :)
Pouring booze in your baby's face. wow - I haven't done anything that funny yet.
Mmm - your trips to the beach sound like a LOT of fun.
Oh how I enjoyed your post. My little boy just pulled a beer can from the trash this evening and chugged back with it as if he knew exactly what he was doing. Proud moment, for sure.
Happy 100th - I just headed here from AD's 100th bash, seeing as how you mentioned yours. I think that you too should do the 100 things about yourself...as I just suggested to Alpha Dogma. Go on, you can do it!
Oh dear Looord! You are too funny for words. Glad, glad, glad the baby's okay. And that nobody had to be investigated! But officer.....
I must ask the important question... were you able to enjoy any of the rum, or did it all go to waste????
Ha, ha. This was a great story. At least you don't put Vodka in your water bottle. A good mommy knows to make sure the booze can easily be identified as such in the event a kid decides to help himself to some "water."
I am sure booze in the face would have some kind of calming effect on a person, or baby. Swallowed, snorted, however.....
I have a similar story (again). DH and I were really tired (and me: really pregnant). But toddler L. was ready to start the day at 6am. We laid him in bed with us. He got a hold of some Cold theraphy package of stuff from The Healing Garden. I looked at it briefly. Didn't see where there could be any danger. He lay back, playing with this bottle. Didn't think he'd get the lid off cause he couldn't unscrew stuff. Well, he pulled and there was a bit splash and owie owie alcoholic menthol junk fell into his face and eyes. Drank it, absorbed it, snuffed it, everything. Awful. Stupid!
Moral of the story: Don't let your toddler play with poisonous body products when you're really tired. Wait until you're perky. Then it's fine. ;-P
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Oh, that's a good one. (wipes eyes).
p.s., Is it OK if I tag along on your next beach trip? I'll bring the munchies... ;-)
Great Story, Thanks for the laugh.
When my kids were little --two in diapers --one night my husband and I were having a celebratory glass of wine while we listened to the dueling baby monitors as the kids fell asleep. "Man, we've earned this after the day we've had," I said. My husband clinked his glass with mine and then a look of horror came over his face. "What? What?"
"I was just thinking, do you know that some parents DON'T EVEN DRINK?"
Great post. I do the same thing at the beach. --Barb
Oh, I could see myself doing that.
Our local restaurant made a heftier mistake: they poured margarita into a toddler's sippy cup rather than the apple juice they ordered. And apparently it isn't the first time this has happened. (They've since changed the bottles so they don't look so similar.)
Someone needs a flask!
this is so great I'm going to go vote for you.
Oh gad, that was a perfect post! I am sk*rt'ing you. :D
So, let me get this straight. You took your children to the beach and you brought booze for yourself? How would any Mom think this was ok? You are lucky nothing else happened. I'm glad everything worked out for your son.
Very brave, anonymous. Very brave. We all applaud you waaaaay up there on your anonymous pedestal.
Heck the cowboys use it for everything! why not eyewash too!
Glad he's okay
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