Can I Get A Drum Roll Please....?

I have a blogger to introduce.

I know. I see you nodding and thinking, "Yeah, yeah, Steph, but my Google Reader is already about to explode. I just can't give any more." I promise you, you'll want to make an exception.

I am a bit biased. You see, this new "Mommy Blogger" is my cousin. I wrote her a "welcome to motherhood" post shortly before her adorable daughter burst into her world and many of you have seen her comment here on my blog. You may even have followed her link, only to find an empty blog.

Well, it isn't empty anymore.

If you're looking for a new blog that talks about how wonderful life is and how fulfilling and exciting motherhood is, hers is not the blog for you. But chances are, if you're a regular reader here, you'd vomit all over the floor if someone insisted to you that crayons and play doh are more fulfilling to you than any career, dreams, or aspirations you had before becoming a parent.

DM doesn't do puppy dogs, rainbows, and perfect Christmas newsletters. She's a member of my family. We teach sarcasm and pessimism in the womb. Hell, my aunts and uncles even have an informal competition to see who can send out the most twisted Christmas card each year. (For the record, no one has yet topped D&D's card sent out after Hurricane Katrina. It featured my cousin, holding a rifle, in front of the garage spray painted with "Looters will be shot on sight." I'll scan it in some time.)

Oh, and in case you were wondering, DM is not the cousin who was arrested at my grandmother's funeral. No, DM is more likely to get arrested at a protest rally. Or at least she was pre-baby. DM is the person we all wished we could be. She's done everything, from massage therapy to modeling. She was the only bridesmaid in my wedding with purple hair. She's traveled everywhere. (I will never be able to erase that photo of her eating the huge spider from my mind.) She's an incredibly talented photographer and a great writer.

Now, she'll be a great blogger.

If the thought of a minivan and "mom jeans" are enough to make you throw up a little in your mouth, go read Defiant Muse.

Now DM is thinking, "Dear God, WHY did I tell her about the blog?" Just be glad I don't have a scanner at home, DM. It could be worse. This is the only photo I have of you on my computer right now and at least you're not the one wearing a hideously poofy dress that you picked out.

DM is anonymous, or I'd post a more current picture of her modeling. Or if she'll let me lift a picture she's got on her My Space or Facebook pages.... (I got permission, so it's there up at the top!)

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If that photo doesn't intrigue you, I have new ones up on Lawyer Mama Dabbles. I know you're all dying to see my homework from my photography class. It's almost as exciting as bark. In fact it is bark.

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I know many of you have noticed that I haven't been visiting blogs lately. I feel like I need to apologize for having such a one way conversation lately.

Do you ever have times where you're really trying to get out of the house to go to the store, but you have two small children and it takes 30 minutes to get them dressed and ready to go. And then when you're strapping them into the car, one insists he has to go potty, so you unstrap them and let him go potty and when you catch them both and begin restrapping them, the other one has to go potty, and then one of them wants a juice and the other one wants a snack, and the other one must find the annoying $.20 Happy Meal gingerbread man toy that says "Not my gumdrop buttons," over and over again, and then the other one has to go potty again, and then the cat barfs on the rug, and then you have to go pee, and all you want to do is sit on the rug with your Resolve and paper towels and cry? But instead you call your husband and tell him to pick up milk on the way home and then everyone takes a 3 hour nap?

That's me lately with the blogging.

I have the best of intentions and sometimes I even get the car out of the garage. But at best I've been driving by the store and not stopping because the kids have fallen asleep in the backseat and I don't want to wake them up.

So please, please don't think I've forsaken you or unsubscribed from your blog, or even stopped thinking about you. To the contrary, I think about you all the time and wonder what's going on with you and you and you and you and you and all the rest of you. (You know who you are, even if I can't possibly link you all.)