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Tales From the Trenches
Now that Big H is becoming more verbal and Little H more mobile, I've been collecting my share of embarrassing, gross, and funny toddler/baby stories. I thought I'd share a few I'd love to hear yours as well!

Big H Funny #1: We have wildlife constantly wandering into our backyard (or living there). A few weeks ago Big H saw two deer and a fox. He then got quite a lesson in life when the fox took off across the yard after a rabbit, but he was still excited. So excited that he had to tell his babysitter, the checkout lady at the grocery store, and some poor mortified shopper about the "f*ck" he saw in the yard. He still occasionally asks about the "f*ck" and asks if he'll see it again. I crack up every. single. time. God help me when he starts telling poo jokes.

Big H Funny #2: Big H is currently trying to figure out plurals. Right now, he adds an s to everything. It's adorable when he talks about "moneys" or calls Little H "brothers." I took Big H to a birthday party at one of those places with inflatable bouncy houses called the Jumpin' Monkey last week. As a party favor, Big H got an inflatable beach ball - one ball - with monkeys all over it. He loves it! But now he has to refer to his ball in the plural. (You can see where this is going.) I completely crack up when he says things like, "Mommy, hold my monkey balls" or "Brothers has my balls!" I can't wait for our next trip to Target when, after I refuse to let him take the ball into the store, I'll have to drag him through the parking lot screaming "My BALLS! My BALLS!" I'll have to wear some Depends just in case.

Now on to the gross:

Little H puts everything in his mouth. I mean everything. I can't even tell you how many pounds of sand, dirt, and rock he has consumed in his short little life. Last week one evening Big H and I were in the kitchen cooking dinner while Little H played quietly in the living room (or so I thought). Little H came toddling into the kitchen with a HUGE smile on his face, clutching something in his hand, and attempting to stuff it into his mouth. Only when I ran over to investigate did I realize that he was clutching a wad of cat puke and hairball and had clearly already consumed some of it. Ewwwwwww. This is hands down my grossest Mommy moment.

What's yours?



Blogger BlogWhore said...

that balls thing is f*cking hilarious. get that on video.

Blogger ExPatSW said...

...and just be glad that Lil'H was only cramming cat PUKE in his mouth...he will one day discover the treasure trove that is the litter box!

Funniest story? You were actually there...I wonder if you remember? At the Red Lobster in Fargo after we all went to the pioneer village? Sitting in the restaurant full of these conservative ND families, C suddenly notices that she has a spoon and everyone else at the table has a fork. Just as one of those freak conversation lulls occurs RESTAURANT WIDE,she screams out, "I wanna f*ck!"

You couldn't decide whether to laugh or crawl under the table, you were so embarrassed! I think you actually crawled under the table, then laughed!

Blogger Meena said...

The cat puke thing? E has done that twice. Now we have to scout the entire house for cat puke or you just know she'll find it and try to eat it. So disgusting!

Love the balls story. One for the baby book for sure!

My son (G) used to pronounce "truck" like "c*ck", it was especially fun when we were in a public location and he'd chant "daddy's c*ck, daddy's c*ck."

Gotta love them.

My son can not keep his hands off his balls....he LOVES to talk about them incessantly! You need to read my post about a little QT with Junior Mayhem....it is very similar to this one!

My mom swears I tried to eat a cricket when I was a child, and look how well I turned out, as an adult! Wait.....that may not make you feel any better.

About a year ago, Junior Mayhem was at my mom's house. She was throwing the ball to him outside. At one point, he crawled under a chair to get the ball. My mom became a little suspicious when did not return. She pulled him out by his feet, only to find he had discovered the cat's food and was GOING TO TOWN! YUCK!

Blogger ewe are here said...

Oh god. Can't think. Too busy envisioning how I would react to kitty cat puke and hair balls being consumed by my toddler.


But the 'balls'... too funny!

Blogger CPA Mom said...

One of my grossest moments would have been in the hotel at Thanksgiving, Tigger with vomit and diarrhea at the same time. Good times.

Where've you been lately?

Blogger Mieke said...

I think I am going to throw up. Hairball and puke! GAG!

Thankfully my kids were never that oral. I didn't have the trouble other mothers did.

I'll have to think of something gross though. There's got to be something.

Blogger Shannon said...

Those are hilarious!

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