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From the Mouths of Babes
I was cleaning out old draft posts and I ran across this gem that I failed to publish for some reason. So I updated it and here you go!

It's amazing what kids pick up. Hollis and Holden are rapidly gaining the skills necessary to maneuver in our world.

Conversational skills

My 2 1/2 (2 1/2 when I wrote this, now 3) year old has recently become a parrot. While I'm thankful he hasn't picked up any of the big 3 - shit, fuck, or damn - he's still got quite a colorful vocabulary. Recently heard from Hollis:

"For Christ's sake!" (OK, I admit it. This one is totally my fault.)

"For the love of God, man! Get a grip!" (OK. Also my fault.)

"Doofus!" (Yep, me again.)

"Mommy/Daddy, you're stinky." (We must make an effort to shower more on weekends.)

My kids are also working on their future parenting skills. Here are a few tools in the parenting box that they've mastered already:


LM: "Sweetie, where did you get that bruise on your leg?"
Hollis: "You dropped me in the street, Mommy." (Insert accusing tone here.)

LM (on computer) (again)
Holden: "Computer off, Mommy!"
LM (in surprise): "OK, sweetie."
Holden: "Now!"

Upon LM leaving the room to pee, Holden: "Come back, Mommy! Come back!"


Hollis to T: "Can I have this candy?"
T: "After dinner."
Hollis to LM in another room: "Open this, please?"
LM: "Where did you get that?"
Hollis: "The kitchen. Daddy said I could have it."
LM (cursing T under breath) opens candy for Hollis.
Hollis runs back to kitchen to eat candy.
T to Hollis: "Didn't I tell you to wait until after dinner?"
Hollis: "Mommy opened it for me."
Later, T to LM: "Did you give him that candy?"
LM: "I opened it for him. He said you said he could have it."
T: "I did. After dinner."

We both pondered our conversations with Hollis and realized that he had not technically lied to either of us. Score: Hollis 1, T & LM 0.


LM to Hollis: "Do you want a time out?"
Hollis: "You're not the boss of me!"
LM: "Actually, yes, I am."
Hollis: "Well, I don't like it!"

Hollis: "Can I have that toy, Mommy?"
LM: "Not right now, sweetie."
Hollis (whining): "But I need it!"
LM ignores Hollis
Hollis: "You're bad, Mommy!"

At least I haven't heard those dreaded three words yet: "I hate you."

I also have to thank Mary G. from Them's My Sentiments for the ROFL award she gave me for this post. Mary is a (somewhat) new blogger, but you'd never know it. She was born for this community and is one the most talented writers and supportive bloggers I've ever run across. Thanks again, Mary!

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Anonymous Emily said...

Just catching up on ALL the posts I've missed! When he does say "I hate you," do me a favor, ok? Tell him it is unkind to say that and it hurts people's feelings. We were saying "Well, you don't have to like me but I love you," and all it did was give him permission to keep saying it -- to us and others. As soon as we started discussing hurt feelings, he started saying "I don't like what you are doing," and I hope he'll say that to his friends now, instead.

And, power to the people. That's excellent manipulation.

Anonymous dana said...

It's amazing what our kids pick up. I made chicken nuggets at home, (surprisingly not McD's -- they were frozen ones from a grocery store) and Dawson kept asking for the "bop you" sauce. I figured out a few minutes later he meant BBQ sauce. My husband has to have the stuff on chicken of any kind.

Blogger Kelly O said...

Oh my word, so cute!! I haven't gotten the "I hate you" yet, but I have gotten "You're not my friend." I frustrate my daughter by replying, "But you'll always be my friend and I'll still always love you." Heh.

Blogger Magpie said...

So glad you didn't delete that! And glad to know someone else has a mess of draft posts...

We get the mommy vs. daddy manipulation a lot.

Blogger Jenn said...


Clear as a bell, to me and all the people around the check-out when she dropped her juice cup.

And because I'm not the quick thinking type, and thought that I could cover it up by asking, "What, honey"? (thinking she'd say something different), nope, she said it again.

I'm turning red just thinking about it.

I mean seriously, first the stretch marks, then I have to quit swearing? I need to start reading the fine print before I sign my life away.

Anonymous slackermommy said...

Too cute. I love how they are trying to figure everything out and how to gain some power.

Blogger Julie Pippert said...


Those are great! Did you laugh looking back?

Here is my gift to you, "Oh Daddy said that did he? Well you tell him to come here and tell me that himself!"

It might even up the score, a little, sometimes. ;)


Using My Words

Blogger PunditMom said...

Under "manipulation," I think we need to have a contest over who is going to become a lawyer first -- Hollis or PunditGirl. Them's some MAD skills he's go there! ;)

Blogger Christine said...

hey that was gem!

Anonymous Mishel said...

I love your stories. I can't wait till I have my own stories to tell. Right now all my stories revolve around how my 10 month old (on the 9th:) likes to shake his head 'no' and is started to growl and imitate people, especially his uncle:)

I just love it when I hear JM say, "I am just so sick of dis!"

Where on Earth did he hear that?!

You just might be in trouble with that Hollis! I think I see law in his future! :)

These are too funny. My favorite was "You dropped me in the street, Mommy." LMAO.

Anonymous rivergirlie said...

my son - 13 mind you - said to me the other day, 'oh go away and ruin someone else's life for a change!'

my reply?

'darling, i haven't even started with you yet.'


Blogger Deb said...

The sliding-by-on-a-technicality bit is the one that is going to make me go ballistic when my kid is old enough to do it. I HATE that!!

You made me laugh pretty darned hard with this...

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