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9/07/2007
I Was An 80 Year Old Grandmother In Another Life
Edited to add a bonus prize!

I normally put blog blasts and all things reviewish onto my review site. But this post contains some kitsch so horrible, I had to put these up on my main site to satisfy my lifetime goal of utterly humiliating myself. Well, at least until I put up the naked pictures.... Totally kidding. Don't run away!

Earlier this week, I mentioned on my other blog that I did a major closet purge this weekend after reading Nina Garcia's advice in The Little Black Book of Style. (You can read my review of the book here as well.) Because there isn't much left in my closet that's shameful and horrifying, I tackled another problematic area: my jewelry box.

You see, I have inherited the pack rat gene. I find it hard to part with jewelry, no matter how old, tacky, or tarnished something may be.

Check out these fabulous holdovers from the 80's:


At least I hope they were purchased in the 80's. If not, the 90's were worse than I remember. I have no idea why they're still in my jewelry box. Did I honestly think I would ever wear them again? HELL NO!

Check out the shame of this scrunchie I had in my drawer. That's right, I said scrunchie. Carrie Bradshaw would slap me senseless if she saw this:

Those are gold metal links. I thought I was so keeeewl!

I saved the piece de resistance for last. Throughout high school, college, and, I'm ashamed to admit, beyond, I collected pins. The only common thread I can see in these pins is that they are all big, tacky, and make me want to slap my 20 year old self silly and scream "WHAT THE FRIGGIN HELL WERE YOU THINKING????"

Oh and did I mention that the telephone rings, the ferris wheel turns, and the kitty cats with the umbrella play Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head? Does that make this any better? Yeah, I didn't think so.


Clearly I was an 80 year old grandmother in my past life. I thought about keeping those fabulous pins for a few seconds thinking maybe I could wear them as some sort of ironic statement, but I know I can't pull that off. People would just think I was clueless.

Now when you've all stopped pointing and laughing, I want to see your tacky jewelry. C'mon! Let's see it. I can't be the only one....

***If you show me your tacky jewelry or something else you've been holding on to for waaaay too long, I'll send you one of those bad boys you see up there! The first to post is the first to win. I'll keep giving them away until I run out! Just email me at lawyermama at gmail dot com.***

This blog blast is brought to you by The Little Black Book of Style and PBN.

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31 Comments:

Blogger Julie Pippert said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I will try to ...HICCUP...comment when I stop LMAO!

P.S. Dude, you had no PAISLEY? WTH were you THINKING?

P.P.S. I don't have any of that to show you, it's long gone.

P.P.P.S. I mean, I hope it's all long gone.

P.P.P.P.S. You know we all looked like that back then, right? You saw my prom picture, right? I mean, if my hair was any bigger I'd have to become a card-carrying Dallasite or New Joisey Goil.

Julie
Using My Words

Blogger Julie Pippert said...

OMS...my browser thingie from the mouse? Cursor I think it's called? Just moved over your photo and it ZOOMS IN! ALL THE JOY! LOL

Blogger WhatWorksForMom said...

i just choked on my coffee while reading this. the phone rings? oh come on! STOP.

Anonymous Emily said...

I hope you are donating this stuff somewhere, though. One mama's trash...

Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Ooh, ooh! I'm going to GIVE THEM AWAY! If you show me your horrible jewelry (or something else nasty you've been holding onto) on your blog, I'll send you one!

Blogger Karianna said...

I sold my 80's jewelry on Ebay.

No joke.

It was a fun time.

Anonymous Elizabeth said...

Costume jewelry is a big seller on eBay, you know. You could sell those pins, and then if you don't win the Coach certificate, buy yourself a fabulous Coach bag with the money!

Blogger Alpha DogMa said...

What? No fimo jewellery? And you, a teeny bopper. For shame.

I recommend you wear them all at once on a denim jean jacket, as I use to do when I went through my Blossom phase.

Blogger QT said...

wow...just wow. The phone rings??? I agree -put it all on ebay and see what you get!

Blogger slouching mom said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

You are one brave lady.

Blogger Ems said...

hehhehe, LOVE the anchors and yes, they were cool. I can't believe you still have these!

Blogger Christine said...

oh. my. god.

that pin actually plays music!?!?

i've got some crazy stuff and if i pull it out and photograph t I'll let you know.

Anonymous mayberry said...

How did that scrunchie not pull out all your hair strand by strand?

I have given all my costume jewelry to my daughter. It is worth HOURS of fun let me tell you.

Blogger Julie said...

It's all so Golden Girls meets -- oh, hell, what was that annoying show with the Tanners? And uncle Jesse? Dear god how can I not remember the name of that TGIF gem. Not family matters...

OH YEAH! It's so Golden Girls meets Full House! (I admit, I Googled "uncle Jesse" and got this.)

Oh yeah, you must have been HAPPENIN' in the '80s sister!

That anchor symbol was definitely big in the '80s. I remember my mom having a lot of blazers (with shoulder pads, of course) with the anchor!

Jane, P&B Girls

Blogger Sarah said...

HIDEOUS!

Yet utterly hilarious.

Anonymous Angela said...

LOL! I totally had a jewelry box full of stuff like this not two years ago. But we started having jewelry-exchange parties at work and everything not selected goes off to goodwill or something. So I've ditched most of the wearable kitsch.

I'm sure I have jumbled up odds and ends in there, but I take them apart to fix/make other jewelry.

And I went through a similar pin thing while being an elementary school teacher. Now I can rarely stand to wear one though.

Blogger PunditMom said...

What a FANCY girl! ;)

Blogger flutter said...

Holy crap, you were seriously complicated! I love it!

Blogger ExPatSW said...

I actually remember you wearing some of those pieces! And, yes, you were way kewl! Ask C!

I am ashmaed to admit that I have hideously tacky stuff from the 70s and 80s along with crap....err, greatly cherished pieces (that I inherited) from the 50s and 60s. However, I am waaay too embarrassed to post any of it!

Blogger lildb said...

you. are. awesome.

seriously.

Blogger FENICLE said...

Too funny. Ah, scrunchies!!!! I still have a bag full in my bathroom cabinet. I don't know why I'm keeping them....after reading this I may get rid of them this weekend :)

Blogger Adrienne said...

Anchors????!!!! I think I swallowed a bit of my tongue when I saw those. I must, must, must pull out my bag of old jewelry that's squirreled away in my closet. Pictures coming soon!!!

Blogger painted maypole said...

very funny. As an actress I keep all sorts of stuff, because you never know when it might come in handy. That's my theory, anyways.

Blogger Busy Momma said...

Oh I just had to comment, these items are just so priceless!! I think my mom had the same penguin pin-seriously!
I'll have to see if I still have any of my fun old jewelery, I'd love the prize of one of those great pins!!

Blogger moosh in indy. said...

You'd fit in SOOO well at the red hat society.

Blogger blooming desertpea said...

hahahah - I had some of that stuff, too. I just got rid of it about two months ago before moving - OMG, I had such a good laugh!

Blogger Gwen said...

I can't believe no one has claimed the anchors. Those are so mine.

Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Gwen, baby, they are all yours!

Blogger ewe are here said...

heh heh

I have a box full of assorted pins from when I was a little girl through, well, University years. And I collected little pins throughout my Europe travels... not to wear, just to have and admire from time to time.

Anonymous Anna said...

Are you KIDDING ME with the anchors aweigh earrings? SERIOUSLY?

What a riot, thank you!

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