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Are They Trying To Kill Me?
For the love of God, I swear someone in my office is out to get me.

By now, you all know that I am a klutz. I am in fact so klutzy that I must warn all passers by with a hot pink sign and matching wristband. I am the woman who once fell down while standing still and talking to a co-worker. I have fallen down in half the bars of the District of Columbia while completely sober.

And I swear I don't have any sort of neurological disorder.

Have I mentioned that our offices are being renovated?

The new offices are starting to look great and I think it was time. The place hasn't been renovated since the late 70's and, hopefully, it will be a cold day in hell before that decor comes back into vogue. (And please, if it has, just don't tell me. I'd rather kill myself than decorate in early 80's.) So the partners sucked it up, busted out the check-book, and started renovating.

The office is also expanding from the West and middle sections of our building, into the recently vacated East wing on our floor. The building is one giant U, so it's now quite a hike from one side of the office to the other. During the various phases of the build out, the powers-that-be have been moving us around to temporary offices and housing all the secretaries in card board boxes out on the street.

During the second stage of the renovation, I moved into a windowless closet for three months. It wasn't too horrible. I still had a door I could close and, usually, electricity, although that was spotty at times. You think I'm joking about the closet thing, but I'm not. I could touch both sides of my office if I extended both of my arms at the same time.

Fast forward to the next, and THANK THE DEAR LORD, final, stage of the renovation. I am now in my permanent, nicely renovated office with a gorgeous view of the downtown area. And I usually have electricity. What more could a girl want? (Aside from a working bathroom on the same floor as my office? But that's a topic for another post!)

Because the office is being renovated in sections, the East and West wings are largely complete now and nicely appointed. The contractor is currently working on the middle section, which includes the reception area and most of the conference rooms. Oh, and the bathrooms, but again I digress. (A few UTI's are no big deal anyway. That's what antibiotics are for, right?)

Anyway, to cut down on dust and to semi-isolate the construction area, the contractor has erected a really long tunnel between the East and West wings of our office. It's a crime they weren't doing this over Halloween because it would make a fabulous haunted house. All joking aside though, Lawyer Mama, the woman who once practically broke an ankle while strapping a small child into a swing (it's a long story), now has to make several daily treks through the Chunnel or, what I like to call, The Lawsuit Waiting to Happen.

I took some video to share:

Alas, I didn't record any sound so you are missing the high pitched whine of power tools that rounds out the whole experience.

Our office administrator swears they're taking the tunnel down this weekend.

If I make it until Friday without killing myself and taking down half of the office in the process, it will be a miracle.

Does anyone have a bucket I can borrow?

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Blogger jen said...

you think they'd do better in a house full of lawyers...i mean, you guys know exactly what to do when someone falls.

our pro bono attorney works in some big time property firm and their landlord did something wrong..all i could think was..dude. wrong guys to do that too.

Blogger Sunshine said...

When are club membership packets being sent out???? Hmmmmm???

We discussed this, or did you trip and fall and lose short term memory?


Blogger Brillig said...

Oh, Lawyer Mama. This is a scary thing for you. I mean, you fall down on perfectly flat ground while just standing there talking, from your previous descriptions. Well, we're all rooting for you. If we don't hear from you for a while, we'll suspect that you're in a hospital somewhere, likely with a pink wristband on...

Anonymous Lene said...

Yikes! Don't they know your history? ;)

Hope they get the construction done quickly. It sounds like a real pain in the butt.

Blogger PT-LawMom said...

I started to laugh about the secretaries but then I thought about my firm and the cardboard boxes thing started to sound a bit more plausible... LOL! Sorry you're living in such a mess these days. Hope the hazards clear out soon.

Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Hey I have a few hardhats sitting around, and some nice Disney Princess elbow and knee pads.

Would that help?

If you are dubious, the hardhat is from FRANCE oooh la la.

It is plastered with my husband's name, but that could be some interesting conversation starters.

My gosh that video makes me think of Leslie Nielson...just no talking and reaching out to lean on the wall-that-is-not-there, okay?

However if you do...here's a curse for you: Fuckwa mac lean!

We'll be needing daily check-ins to reassure us you are fine, okay?

This sounds like a good reason not to go into work......tell the partners it will cost less than a massive lawsuit brought on by your estate!

YEAH! That's the ticket! :)

Blogger DD said...

Since you managed your way through the tunnel, while videotaping it, I think you have nothing to fear (knock on wood). However, how damn funny would it have been if had tripped while doing this?

Ok. Funny for me. Not so much you.

Anonymous Emily said...

THe video gave me motion sickness!

Blogger Jenn said...

My bucket is caved in from me toppling off of it, otherwise, it would be all yours.

At least it's a short week!

Blogger Omaha Mama said...

Wow. The fact that you haven't been injured yet is a miracle. I am a KLUTZ and have fallen off my shoe more than once while standing talking to someone. I've even stopped acknowledging it. It's just my life.

Anonymous rivergirlie said...

i think you'd better stick to flat heels for the time being. please blog to let us know you're safe and sound!

Blogger Christine said...

that tunnel is seriously creepy!

maybe you should be wearing a hard hat and your pink bracelet!

Blogger NotSoSage said...

Yeah, I definitely think it's time to bring the sign from the hospital out of retirement.

Blogger ewe are here said...

Personal injury lawyers by any chance? (kidding)

Your new office sounds nice.... That's the only thing I miss about my last position as an associate in a small firm in Hawaii. My office had a lovely ocean view. Sigh.

Anonymous Nancy said...

That's creepy. It absolutely looks a scene from some horror movie.

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