Happy Birthday, Littlest Man

My sweet Holden,

You were a surprise but what a darling surprise you turned out to be.

Before you were born I was so worried. I couldn't imagine how I could possibly love you as much as your brother. I didn't understand how I would have room in my heart for another all encompassing love. But then you came and I did. I swear those first few months you were here my heart ached from growing so much. You're my second born but I hope that you always realize how special you are.

You taught me to be patient, to accept my limitations, to live in the moment, and to relax in my role as your mother. When you give me that adorable little look - you know, the one where you look up at me through your eyelashes and smile - all is right with the world and I am at peace. And when you open your eyes wide and laugh, I can't help but laugh with you.

I'm sad that you're now one and your babyhood is almost over. At the same time, I'm so excited to see what comes next for you. You're already starting to talk to me and I can see so much understanding in your eyes. You want to run and jump and play with your brother and all the big kids. You want to taste everything, literally and figuratively. I can't wait to watch you do it.

I wonder all the time what you'll be like as a little boy and as an adult. Will you love words and be a writer? Or will you love all things mechanical like your Daddy? Will you be a swimmer like Mommy? Or will you want to play baseball? Will you be a kind person and a good husband and a loving father? Most of all, I wonder if you will always adore me, Mommy, the way you do now? I know that I can't hope to hold on to you forever. I know that I won't always be the first person you see in the morning and the person you run to for comfort. But I hope you know that I will always adore you as much as I did the day you were born and as much as I do now.

Happy Birthday, my littlest man.

Love,
Mommy